God particle sheds no light on God but lots on Wally

There is an important difference between the Higgs field and the Wally field. The Higgs field, so far as we know, is uniform throughout space. However the Wally field, like the water field, has currents that carry Wallies just as currents in the water field carry fish.

Amazingly we have been able to map some of the currents. We know that there are strong Wally currents moving to and from Canberra. In fact Canberra seems to be a sort of nexus for Wally currents. Other nexuses identified so far are Washington DC and Brussels in Belgium.

The next project for the LHC is the detection of the Wally field boson. This task has been entrusted to the OPERA team that thought they had detected faster-than-light neutrinos. It is thought there is a particularly dense field of Wally bosons in the vicinity of their equipment.

It remains to give the Wally field boson a nice, snappy name and it's not going to be the Meyer boson. While I would never deny my own Walliness I am not going to have it immortalised by lending my name to the Wally boson. I have my pride.

My first thought was to call it the Z boson in honour of the president of my native country, Jacob Zuma, a Wally par excellence. However it turns out there already is a Z boson. It's one of the three bosons that transmit the weak nuclear force.

In any case, I feel my adopted country deserves some recognition. I have decided to call it the BAG boson in honour of three great contemporary Australian Wallies, Bob Brown, Tony Abbott and Julia Gillard.

The project to detect the BAG boson will be called the General Advanced Reaction BAG Experiment or garBAGe