Wendy's educational whimsies online

Greetings, gorgeous ones.

Lola has just been appointed Queen of the Universe (take that Miss Venezuela) and she wants me to be her aide-de-camp. Of course I said yes, because at university I took Gold Braid and Trim 101 (I minored in sequins and beads, which has been far more useful than that silly course in celestial mechanics).

So, this will be our last column. It’s been a fabulous time but Lola and I must do all we can to save the starving children of the world and bring about world peace, while wearing several hundredweight of sequins. It’s a tough job, but we’re up to it.

And in anticipation of a major dose of incipient ennui on your part, we’ve put together a melange of trés amusants sites for your enjoyment and annoyance (see how quickly the French trips off the tongue as soon as one takes up such an important diplomatic posting?).

And naturellement, all these sites emphasise learning of a sort, because that’s what life is about. On with the final show.

Every time I see a B-grade movie I always fall in love with the mad scientist, especially if they resemble Kevin Spacey. Lola is absolutely disgusted by my desire to lick any TV screen Kevin appears on, but do you hear me criticising her behaviour when the red setter boys are in the neighbourhood?

So, if you have a thing about mad scientists, why not zap over to www.madsci.org for a peek into the Mad Scientist Network. This is a lab that never sleeps and was initially set up as a Washington University Young Scientist Program to improve science literacy. Take a squiz into the collective cranium of scientists via their Random Knowledge Generator. I just loved that you can choose questions from exquisite categories like Softly, Seething, Teeming, and my fave, Tintinnabulation. Highly recommended.

And speaking of movies, how does the idea of a haiku movie review grab you? I left clicked on www.igs.net/~mtr/haiku-reviews/ and before I knew it, my heart chakra was in a death grip. My heart bled when I read these words about Arnie Schwarzeneger in the not so good "End of Days":

Forgiving Arnold
Would be easier for those
Who walk on knuckles.

Life is a battle, n’ést ce pas? And if you would like to fight fierce, manly battles with your friends (sorry girls, Lara Croft will just have to take her turn with the argy bargy) just lumber over to www.battlemail.com with your testosterone intact and sign up for a right royal email battle with your best pals. Just choose a character and you’re away.

I know it’s a girl thing, but please do take the time to go to the FAQs first - yeah, I know it’s a bore, but we girls are usually right about checking the street directory, or the manual, first.

And without drawing too close a comparison between those of us with a Y chromosome and other primates, we’ve all heard the stories about monkeys and keyboards and Shakespeare. Well, I’ve discovered the real thing on the net. Just fling yourself and your own special Cheetah over to www.100monkeys.org/about.shtml and sign yourself up for the 100 monkeys typing challenge. SIMI, or the Search for Intelligent Monkeys on the Internet lays down the challenge. Sign up, and you take delivery of 100 monkeys which you have to care for, feed and put to work typing sonnets.

I just loved the back of their t-shirt which proudly trumpets:

100 monkeys
100 typewriters
100 years
1 sonnet
Prove it!

But my absolute fave site would have to be the Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide at www.worldrps.com/index1.html. As Lola and I always say, so many problems can be solved using this simple technique, and I believe that it was a central plank in Lola’s bid for the Queen of the Universe job. Mind you, I really do take Rule 6 of the World Rock Paper Scissors Player’s Responsibility Code seriously. It says "Think twice before using RPS for life-threatening situations".

No doubt we will take that advice on board.

Well, gentle reader, it’s been a hoot and Lola and I must say our farewells. We’ll both miss you like buggery, but world peace is at stake.

 " think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers", A Bit of Fry and Laurie.