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The Rights (and wrongs) of Wendy's Whimsies

By Wendy Wonderwal - posted Wednesday, 15 November 2000

Greetings, gorgeous ones.

I simply can’t believe it! Lola has a new boyfriend and is defying me something shocking. All she can talk about is her rights, and something about me cramping her style. They met over the net for god’s sake. I checked out his photo and profile at the Australian Cattle Dog Social Club of North Queensland home page at but he didn’t do a thing for me.

The worst thing is that the two of them think they know their rights as dogs. After all, they’re posted at So, in a desperate attempt to stop her from making a fool of herself I cajoled her into doing some homework for this month’s edition.


She wanted to head for the latest net personals site but I was two paws ahead of the girl. Instead, I insisted she check out to learn a few tips about rebellion. Want to find out why the Eureka Stockade is regarded as the Oz version of storming the Bastille? Well, just wail some of the lyrics from a Redgum song in a really nasally voice and click on the link. And remember, if you decide to visit Ballarat, do dress well for outdoors, but rest assured that the centre is warm and inviting (I stole - sorry, liberated - that last sentence from their site).

Then I bet Lola that she couldn’t beat me in a quiz about the Australian Constitution. She got that awful gleam in her eye that warned me I was about to pay for a latte, a look around and a really long drive in the ute. I really hate it when she wolf-whistles the Red Setter boys.

Why don’t you wander over to: and try for yourself. I scored 80 per cent. Mind you, the test doesn’t tell which answers are right and which are wrong, and Lola refuses to tell me. Oh, the lattes were great and she only drooled over a couple of Dalmatians with great tails.

At least it’s better than when she chases stray cats. They have their own Bill of Rights at She’ll end up in the pet court is she’s not careful.

Now, I know we all know about free speech, but can you believe that there’s something called reverse speech? All you need is a tape recorder and the patience to play the recording backwards. Apparently a person called David John Oates has developed a theory about the brain generating messages from the unconscious while talking. He was a big hit in the US and now has his own Australian site at DJ reckons that reverse speech is a discovery of a new form of communication with the ability to uncover a deeper truth and meaning behind what we are actually speaking.

And at he reckons that John Howard, during a radio interview about the GST, actually said, "We’ll help beat the bigot/Do you love your babies?" Please explain?


I was so intrigued I tried it on Lola but I don’t think it worked. The only message I got was "Give me an opposable thumb and the keys to the ute, and you’re Pal, Wendy". Weird. I still don’t know what to make of it.

In desperation, I wandered over to the physicist’s bill of rights page. Hey, any declaration that begins with the words "we hold these postulates to be intuitively obvious " has my vote - so why not check it out for yourself? Just left click on and be filled with wonder and aggravation.

Were they guided by the principle of chaos theory, or perhaps the big bang? And speaking of the big bang (sorry Camilla), why not check out the official site of the Prince of Wales. Just foist your royal presence on and check out really amazing stuff like "watch the Prince’s harpist play", or you can learn more about organic gardening, or Duchy stuff.

After all this higher-order thinking, I needed to explore the commonplace. So imagine my surprise when I wandered across this neato site that hosts the Journal of Mundane Behaviour. FYI, it’s hosted by the Department of Sociology and the College of Humanities and Social Sciences at the California State University. Just lean on and while away your time. I particularly loved the article entitled "Squat toilets and Cultural Commensurability: Two Texts plus Three Photographs I Forgot to Take". I thought the author had a lot to say.

Until next time, dear reader.

"I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland." Manhattan Murder Mystery

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About the Author

Wendy is a freelance writer and marriage celebrant based in Brisbane.

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