Wendy's wonderful Christmas well fare whimsies

Greetings, gorgeous ones.

I've had a mongrel of a month. I thought I knew what Christmas symbolised but I've had a major upset. Lola has just let it drop that Santa is part of a conspiracy to bring a little joy to everyone regardless of their socio-economic status.

What! Santa isn't real?

It was a bit like finding out that the Tooth Fairy doesn't exist. That little eye-opener really put paid to my capitalist tendencies as a 7-year-old.

I understand about the spirit of things and I told Lola so. I know Christmas is about buying your children's love (and the latest Elmo is rushing out the door at 60 bucks a pop) and demanding that loved ones show their adoration by taking out a second mortgage (or, if you're on the dole, by forgoing eating for a month).

Now that we're all miserable, why not whine about how rotten your Christmas presents are while leaning on this and comparing your misfortune with others from around the globe.

Or you can always take the high moral ground and adopt the whale-worshipping, bunny-hugging approach. You know, wishing for world peace and freedom, and health and abundance for all. Oh, and clean drinking water. And maybe even a lifespan that exceeds 50 years if you're a person of colour ...

And that's when Lola bit me. Can you believe it? Her eyes started to glow orange, which is not a good look on a poodle (at least not one with her colouring).

"You idiot, Wendy. Have you forgotten that you used tell me about the dream when I was a wee poodle pup? You've really forgotten what's important, you poor excuse for a homo sapiens in heels."

And then she pointed out all the good work we had done together to create a very special Christmas treat for you - a little smackerel of something for everyone, with some special sites to warm the heart. And so, In anticipation of the REAL new millennium, we present:

Wendy's Lola's Poodle Princess Paw of Approval

Twelve (but it's really 16) sites of Christmas 2000.

"On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me:

Twelve drummers drumming

Eleven pipers piping

Ten lords a-leaping

Nine ladies dancing

Eight maids a-milking

Seven swans a-swimming

Six geese a-laying

Five golden rings!

Four calling birds

Three French hens

Two turtle doves

And a partridge in a pear tree"

Was that an epiphany, or what?

Personally, I'm still hoping for a Tiffany Christmas.

Merry Christmas from us - Wendy and Lola, to you, dear reader.

PS. I fear that an almighty power play is on the cards for the next century, hmmm?

"I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from animals - we aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners."  Jeff Stilson