'Hey, I'm going to be a dad!'

Men learn to cope with daughters, who seem to many of us born with the ability to love their dad and earn their affection. Men learn to play sport with sons and endure the battering, door-slamming confrontations through which sons struggle through adolescence to become men.

Fathering benefits children.

Fathers orient their children to the outside world. They talk commonly about the world of work, money, sport and adventure. When their father takes an interest in them, kids' school results are better. Fathers helped the men I spoke to. Dads toughen up children, encouraging them to play sport and take risks within safe limits. Clearly, the kind of fathering done will make a huge difference. And as kids grow up, fathers must soften and adapt. Kevin* says

So as he grows older, no need to shout anymore or talk down to him. He needs to be reassured that he is loved and protected, that I will always be there if he needs me; in a mature way. I am more careful with our relationship, in the topics we discuss and the manner in which we discuss them. I don't give him such a hard time with things. I give him plenty of freedom and let him sleep in on Sundays.

Challenges ahead

Fathers can be dissuaded from doing the tasks that would benefit children: by their understanding of what a man is; by culture; by mothers; or from difficulties following separation and divorce- and by their own fears. Men don't often bond as easily as most women do, but the men I speak to readily warm to fatherhood. These guys have a gleam in their eye when they talk of the exciting challenges that will make such a big difference to their lives.

With discussions about gay marriage already with us, we would benefit children by keeping our ideas of fatherhood flexible. My research shows that fatherhood has changed a lot in the past sixty years. It would be sensible to expect that, as society changes, fatherhood will change too.

Progress

Fatherhood should be part of our daily discourse as educators: and given encouragement, fathers do come along to school-based workshops called 'Understanding Our Sons'. Fathers' involvement is supported when dads go with their expectant partners to hospital. Women must be part of the work we do to encourage dads; those I speak to are happy to do so. There's a morning session in my local library for dads to read to their kids. We seem to be getting somewhere in acknowledging that fathering is an important role.

We've come a long way since I walked in on the birth of one of my daughters and some harridan barked at me: "Would you please leave!" Ha! But I had seen my daughter come into the world. Today dads are frequently at the birth of their kids; and so they should be.

Conclusion

Often the media offer us celebrities as role models. The best role model for a boy is usually not Usain Bolt, Tyson Gay, Cristiano Ronaldo, Rafael Nadal or Jarryd Hayne. The best role model for a boy is usually his father. Fathering is a transformative process. It makes us into better men, as well as giving us purpose and meaning. Far more should be done in encouraging hesitant and vulnerable fathers take up their role in creating adults who can survive and grow in society. The signs of better fathering noted above should be seized and improved on enthusiastically- for everyone's benefit.

Let's celebrate fathers: one of the nation's under-used resources.