Guinness reviewed

Of course, nothing beats Lutheran pastor Reverend Fast of Canada for sheer manpower, because, after all, who can honestly move a heavy vehicle near a level 100-ft (30.48-m) course? The Samson-like figure “pulled a truck weighing 57,243kg (126,200lb) over that distance,” and wears a huge heavy-metal cross.

Beating Hitler’s record (my guess) Austria’s butch Oliver Gratzer (religion unknown) took the art of domestic-appliance-throwing too far, however. He tossed 24 different household appliances in one minute. Apparently, it felt very therapeutic.

Australia’s Bill Lyndon though is my hero for managing to toss a washing-machine the farthest. Weight: 45.3kg (99lb). Distance: 3.36m (11ft 0.24 in). It’s a massive win for the men’s movement.

And the heaviest weight pulled with eye sockets? Why, Chayne Hultgren of Australia. I’m guessing that our punk works hard at keeping his lacrimal bones (underneath his eyes) in good shape. In so doing, Hultgren revealed yet another use for fishhooks by pulling 411.65kg (907lb).

Also, Britain’s precocious schoolboys can legitimately boast that, Paul Hunn (UK) burped the loudest, on September 24, 2008.

As for the media’s designated religion of peace, left-wingers will be ecstatic to learn that Maged Elmalke of Saudi Arabia peacefully held 22 scorpions in his mouth (for at least 10 seconds). Still, as a devout Muslim, his lips will never - never! - touch an infidel’s pork sausage. Or Tim Blair.

On a related note, the largest-reward for counter-terrorism goes to … Osama bin Laden (also of Saudi Arabia). Translation: $50 million for the dark one. Dead or alive.

Certainly Australia isn’t a major polluter. But black-armband environmentalists are vain creatures who picture Mother Earth with a calculator. Some even make the preposterous claim that we’re the worst per person polluters. Which begs the question: who are the largest producers of carbon dioxide per capita?

It turns out the “Citizens of Qatar were responsible for the emissions of 51.17 tonnes (56.40 tons) of carbon dioxide per person in 2004.”

New Zealand’s record breakers, though, will infuriate the meteorologist/geologist/physicist Cate Blanchett. “The record for filling a 508kg (0.5-ton) hopper with coal using a banjo shovel by a team of two is 14.8 seconds” thanks to Kiwis Brian Coghlan and Piet Groot.

Alas. Not all hair-raising records are without controversy. So, the statement, “A NASA report from January 2008 reveals that 2005 was the planet’s warmest year on record,” is likely to be challenged.

As will this: “The report also revealed that Earth’s 14 warmest years have all occurred since 1990.”