Fatherhood and the love revolution

Fatherlessness and family breakdown, as verified by the divorce rate, have been growing for decades. The good news is that things are beginning to change when it comes to long term love. The divorce rate in Australia peaked to an all time high in 2001 but had dropped 15 per cent in overall numbers by 2007. There were 116,322 registered marriages in Australia in 2007, the highest number of marriages registered since 1990 and an increase of 12 per cent since the marriage low point in 2001.

The tide is beginning to turn. Our society has hit the wall and the wall is hard. Divorce is a very painful experience for all concerned. Our children often take decades to recover. Many men, overcome with grief at losing their children through an anti-male family law system, take their own lives in desperation. Recent reports of a drop in suicide rate are a mirage according to Professor John Mendoza. The suicide rate is increasing not decreasing. The cumulative pain is becoming too much to bear and our society is looking for answers. Our society has lost much over the last few decades, but that very loss might become part of our inspiration to reverse the love deficit.

Perhaps the inspiration to reverse the love deficit is coming from our young people. Older people and politicians think that young people aren’t interested in marriage and family but nothing could be further from the truth. In a study released in 2002 (PDF 259KB) in Family Matters, a publication of the Australian Institute of Family Studies, more than 80 per cent of 17- and 18-year-old teenagers want to get married and to have children and become mums and dads. And more than 90 per cent want a long-term relationship which in our adult world of “throw away” relationships is revolutionary to say the least.

Another indicator of the renewed desire to strengthen marriage and support the natural biological family was the inaugural National Marriage Day breakfast held on August 13, in the Great Hall of Parliament House, Canberra. Five hundred people jammed the Great Hall for a mid-week celebration of life and love, organised by the Australian Family Association. Major General Michael Jeffery (PDF 94KB), Australia’s former Governor-General was appointed, with his wife Marlena, as National Marriage Day Ambassadors.

However many would argue that the real highlight of the morning was the young revolutionaries from RISE (Restoring Integrity and Sexual Ethics). Jessica Langrell, one of the 19-year-old leaders of RISE, in her speech to the capacity crowd in the Great Hall said:

I stand on behalf of the entire RISE team as the new generation who genuinely believe that romantic relationships are properly orientated towards marriage and that sex belongs in marriage, not outside it - and we want to show how this is a better way for all young people in Australia … We oppose the “hook up” culture and want to support each other in resisting it … We are challenging young people to be courageous and act with integrity, but also in truth, clarity and sharpness … this choice should be available for all young people.

There are many young revolutionaries like Jessica who are becoming part of the new counter culture rejecting the “if it feels good, do it” mantra of the baby-boomer “sex, drugs, rock and roll” generation. They are looking for authentic relationships in a culture that has lost its ability to sustain them.

The popularity of Find My Family, one of the highest rating shows on TV, is mute testament to the hunger for deeper family relationships. The massive popularity of the World’s Strictest Parents is according to a recent article in the Herald Sun an indicator of a shift in values. The article stated, “The difference in 2009 is that networks realise that the mood of Australian TV viewers has changed and they are hankering for positive, uplifting reality shows”.

Hollywood is also getting in on the party. Movies with hero father figures have been strangely popular of late, for example, Night at the Museum, featuring Ben Stiller as the dad hero. Other movies like Swing Vote with Kevin Costner and Mall Cop are stories featuring imperfect but heroic fathers. After decades of father bashing, Hollywood is now realising that dads are cool and family themed movies are its biggest grossing productions.

Maybe our society is beginning to listen to the cry of our children. Dads4Kids Fatherhood Foundation has recently completed its community service announcements (CSAs) that will be released for Father’s Day and aired for the rest of the year. This Father’s Day we asked children what advice they would give to Australia’s fathers. Eleven-year-old Brad said, “Fathers should spend more time with their children and less time at work”. A seven-year-old girl said something similar but added that dads should let their children win when they play games with them. Her words became the caption for the CSA campaign, “Dads - Helping Kids Win”: because when dads put their children first they create a win-win situation.

That is what happened to me all those years ago on a country road when my two-year-old son called out “Daddy” from the back seat of the car as I was contemplating suicide. My love for my child had saved me. In our society it seems that the voice of the children is beginning to be heard. The dads are responding, our TV stations are listening and even Hollywood can hear the voice of the children even if it is driven by the profit motive. Call it a renewal of fatherhood, family revival or a love revolution, but whatever you call it, if it continues, there will be empty gaols dotted all over the Australian landscape and that would be a big win for our nation, our families and our children.