The Queen’s birthday and our 'hallowed' long weekend

"The infantry fixed bayonets, the parade sloped arms and gave the Royal Salute as the Standard was lowered. The Union Jack went up. The parade ordered arms and Brigadier Whitham called for three cheers for King Edward VIII, which were heartily given by the troops and public," the paper concluded. (Within six months this controversial royal had abdicated, and was succeeded by his brother who became King George VI.)

Little 1930s-style pomp, ceremony or military gunfire occurs any more in Australia on the Queen's Birthday, but they sure knew how to celebrate back in 1788. The diarists of the day recorded that, apart from the holidays, every convict received half a pint of rum, and each soldier a pint of porter, so all "might drink His Majesty's health". The Royal Birthday was celebrated Down Under for the first time with "every possible demonstration of loyalty and cheerfulness and good order". Governor Phillip even pardoned four convicts from a sentence of island banishment in Sydney Harbour. That night the whole colony attended a bonfire, then the officers "supped at the Governor's, where they terminated the day in pleasantry, good humour and cheerfulness".

For pleasant, good humoured and cheerful contemporary Australians the Queen's Birthday holiday is still significant. In the south-eastern corner in June it marks the start of the ski season (although Tasmanians know there’s always the chance of a skiable snowfall any day of the year). Further north it's the last chance for many to get away to the beach before winter, while in the west in September it's the first chance to put in serious beach time (but with a wet-suit) after winter.

Make no mistake. This is a critical long weekend. In Victoria, the Northern Territory and Queensland it's a long (almost holiday-less) haul otherwise from Labour Day in May until Christmas. Victoria has only Melbourne Cup Day in November (although most punters outside Victoria enjoy an hour or three off work that day), the Territory has its Picnic Day in August and around the same time some Queensland centres have an annual Show holiday.

New South Wales scores a Bank holiday in August while sharing its Labour Day holiday with the ACT in October. Tasmanians make do with an October Show holiday.

Former Prime Minister Howard’s convention-cum-talkfest on an Australian Republic has long been and gone, as has the ill-conceived national referendum on the same subject. Since then remnant republicans have occasionally tried to use the Queen’s Birthday holiday as an ironic opportunity to revive their cause. But the most vital question of all in the whole wordy republic/monarchy debate has never been properly addressed.

Never mind how we might elect, select or sack some future President. Who cares what emotive words could be put in the Preamble to our logistic Constitution? How many folk really care about plebiscites? Come the next referendum, if not the Republic, this is the critical constitutional question for all of us who swear by a Monday off: will we keep our sacred Queen’s Birthday holiday?

The answer naturally is - yes! But we may have to find someone else’s birthday to hang the holiday on. There’s no hurry, but here are a few names we might think about: Weary Dunlop, Gough Whitlam, Ned Kelly, Mary McKillop, Dame Edna.

I’d favour Ned. He was one of Australia’s first republicans, albeit a murderous, bank-robbing, revolutionary one. Scout’s honour, the siege at Glenrowan in June 1880 was to be the first step in the Kelly gang’s violent establishment of the Republic of North-eastern Victoria! Ned’s date of death (by hanging) was November 11 that year, while his date of birth is uncertain. So a Bushranger’s Birthday any Monday a little later in the year would be just bonza, mate.