The Sisterhood of Men-Baggers

I didn’t take an oath of allegiance, yet emails from the Sisterhood of Men-Baggers invade my Inbox.

At first I was naïve. I would see the subject headers: “This is so true!” or “Worth reading to the end” on missives sent to me by intelligent, long-time friends and I would look forward to some witty, insightful or perhaps even moving content. Instead I would find men-bagging. Tired, gender-based stereotyping enshrined in boring, dog-eared humour. In essence, blatant, unfunny sexism.

All men, apparently, can’t cook, lack empathy, don’t like foreplay, are lazy fathers, think it’s funny to fluff the covers after farting, buy their partners inappropriate lingerie, and refuse to ask for directions. In general, they are responsible for all of women’s woes.

Here was one with the subject header: “When you need a laugh …”

Just a thought for all the women out there.

1. MENtal Illness
2. MENstrual cramps
3. MENtal breakdown
4. MENopause

GUYnocologist (poetic spelling)
Ever notice how all of women’s problems start with men?
Send this to all women you know (and men with a sense of humour) and brighten up
their day!! … and when we have real trouble, it’s a HISterectomy

Hilarious.

What, I wonder, would women think if women-bagging emails took up the same amount of cyberspace? (They don’t. My research - an extensive survey of some men I know - reveals that men rarely create or distribute women-bagging communiqué. Interestingly, they do, however, aid and abet in the delivery of men-bagging emails by sending them on to their female partners. In other words, it seems men believe their own bad press - and accept that their partners will get a kick from such content.)

Of course, we shouldn’t be surprised that bagging men persists as a form of entertainment. After all, we have official, government-sanctioned, mass-distributed men-bagging. Witness the advertising campaign run by the New South Wales Roads and Traffic Authority which relates driving over the speed limit to the perceived size of a man’s penis. Apparently, it is OK to tell your five-year-old son that you are wiggling your pinky at the man in the car next to yours because he is driving too fast and must therefore have a small penis, which is, of course, a bad thing.

How little boys comprehend that their own wee willies are not included in the jibe is left to the most sensitive and discriminating of parents to deal with. To say nothing of the damage done to the self-worth of men who through no fault of their own - speedsters or otherwise - did not emerge from adolescence with a porn-sized prick.

I suppose the current broad acceptability of men-bagging is simply an evolution in a long tradition of private men-bagging gatherings. It may not be a formal agenda, but when a bunch of women get together (especially those in long-term relationships with men, and most especially those with children) the subject matter nearly always strays that way.

Stories abound of the latest domestic scandal in which Male X purchased double the butter but no washing powder, or thought he might wear thongs to a restaurant. Ladies-who-lunch, girls’ nights out, women-only weekends away and even book clubs can all be petri dishes for men-bagging.

To be fair, the typecasting is often applied to both genders - but usually only in so much as it either puts women in a reasonable light and represents men as blundering fools, or it expresses how hard it is to be a woman.

The subject header I received on this one was “For the girls … brilliant!”:

Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and another in the dryer. Dinner was on the stove and the table set. She was astonished!

It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said wives who work full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex. The night went well and the next day, she told her office friends all about it. "We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up. He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really enjoyed the evening."

"But what about afterward?" asked her friends.

"Oh, that was perfect too. Ralph was too tired."

This one came in with the subject header “Clever!”:

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. “House” for instance, is feminine: la casa. “Pencil”, however, is masculine: el lapiz. A student asked, “What gender is the word computer?” Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that “computer” should definitely be of the feminine gender (“la computadora”), because:

1. no one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. the native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. as soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay cheque on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that “computer” should be masculine (“el computador”), because:

1. in order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. they have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. they are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. as soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

I’m not a complete men-bagging wowser. I can see the truth in some of the stereotypes. As it happens, I do believe that men as a group have a serious issue with asking for directions, and yes, there could be a gender factor in relation to farting under the covers.

What bothers me is the mean-spirited and self-defeating nature of the endeavour. For the sake of a few small laughs, the same women who argue the case for equal rights and opportunities are sustaining a culture of gender-based discrimination.

The last email I looked at before my “immediate delete” policy came into practice came in with the subject header “Gotta love this one!”:

NEW UNI COURSE
That’s right, in just six mini-semesters, you too can be a real man as well as earn an MA degree (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101: Combating Stupidity
MEN 102: You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103: PMS - Learn To Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104: We Do Not Want Sleazy Under Things for Christmas
Winter Schedule:
MEN 110: Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111: Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112: Parenting: It Doesn’t End with Conception
EAT 100: Get a Life, Learn to Cook
ECON 001A: What’s Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule:
MEN 120: How NOT to Act like an arse when you’re Wrong
MEN 121: Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122: YOU, The Weaker Sex
MEN 123: Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C: What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR
Autumn Schedule:
SE#X 101: You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SE#X 102: Morning Dilemma: If It’s Awake, Take a Shower
SE#X 103: How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201: How To Put the Toilet Seat Down
Winter Schedule:
MEN 210: The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211: How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212: You, Too, Can be a Designated Driver
MEN 213: Honest, You Don’t Look Like Brad Pitt
MEN 230A: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries are Important I
Spring Schedule:
MEN 220: Omitting %&*!@ from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 222: Real Men Ask For Directions
MEN 223: Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries are Important II
Course Electives:
EAT 102: Cooking with Tofu
EAT 103: Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103: Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231: Mothers-In-Law
MEN 232: Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233: Just Say “Yes, Dear”
ECON 001C: Cheaper to Keep Her

Talk about a belly laugh.

In the time I saved not reading emails from would-be comediennes about the sex-addicted, emotionally-vacant, mother-in-law-hating male of the species, I read that one in six Australian men suffer from depression at any given time, four times more young men than young women commit suicide, and the suicide rate for males aged 15 to 24 years has tripled in recent years.

Call me a traitor to the Sisterhood, but perhaps men could do with a little less bagging.