A shameless act of self promotion: my brush with death

“Nope. Just bored” I answered.

Several names are called and several people around me leave to go who knows where. My wife reads her book and I try to read mine. I felt as though we should have brought a thermos of coffee as well.

Eventually, a young brunette tastefully dressed in black calls my name. She turns out to be the dermatology registrar. She was all at once friendly, warm and drop dead gorgeous. Things are looking up!

She leads us to Cubicle 6. We go through the 20-questions routine then on to the examination. You would not believe how many spots and dots, lumps and bumps the average person has on their body until someone has a really good look. Even my scalp got a thorough going over.

Next came the heavy weights. The consultant dermatologist and the surgeon. Just as the registrar was young, so too are these guys. Again, the dermatologist poured over my skin while the registrar sought some clarification on the various flaws in my outer covering. There are it seems an endless supply of weird blemishes on me, and most other people too I am reassured. And every dot and spot has its own peculiar name.

After the brief tutorial standing there arms outstretched and semi naked I feel as though I have done my small part for the betterment of the medical profession - as embarrassing as it all was.

The surgeon was less obsessive. He just needed to know which bit he had to carve off me. As I stood there he drew imaginary lines on my back advising me and showing my wife the scope of the incision he would make just to make sure I was completely cleared of the problem tissue. It was likely he would need to mobilise some of my skin from a non-effected area and drag it over the incision to fill the gap left. It would be a day surgery procedure only. I bought new PJs for nothing!

Within an hour I had a date for further surgery on March 18 (today). I left reassured. I was at greater risk than the average population of developing another melanoma but the odds are still in my favour of not being brought undone by this disease. If I remain sun smart (maybe investing in a bee keepers suit might be they way to go) and commit to regular skin surveillance I should be OK; but there are no guarantees. Having said that I felt I had all the information I needed to tell my kids what was going on and some confidence that they would not need to worry too much.

So there. Nothing much to get hot and bothered about; I told you that I do tend to get ahead of myself sometimes.