Motherhood deals risk deeper anguish

The emotional impact worsened on the birth of the baby.

“My subconscious, my body, my emotions, knew I’d given birth and were screaming out for that baby. I kept having the urge to tell people, ‘I’ve had a baby!’ The physical symptoms, the hormones, [it was] all pain, no gain.

“I had no motivation, energy, I’d sleep most of the day, was teary, [gained] enormous weight, was out of control, my life falling apart.

“I still react to newborns, still have bad days. My extended family didn’t understand why I couldn’t just get over it.

“The personal cost to me and my family [was too high]. I came to the conclusion I couldn’t recommend surrogacy to anyone”.

Perhaps Shona just needed some “cognitive adjustment”. Overseas surrogate agencies help surrogates reconcile their maternal thoughts and feelings, by “cognitively restructuring these feelings to match their behaviours” - the behaviour being relinquishing the baby.

The paper, Surrogacy: the experiences of surrogate mothers, published in the journal Human Reproduction in 2003, is frequently referred to as evidence that surrogacy is a good arrangement for everyone involved. It took its sample from the UK surrogacy advocacy group, COTS, which also facilitates most surrogacy arrangements.

The study only included women who had given birth and handed over their babies, thereby excluding anyone who (a) baled out during pregnancy, or (b) refused to hand over the baby.

And some mothers can’t bear to part with the child they birth.

Mary Beth Whitehead, surrogate mother in the famous Baby M case in the US, said: “Something took over. I think it was just being a mother”.

Jane Smith from Sydney said of the son she carried: “I couldn’t let him go.”

Another surrogate mother has said: “In the beginning it is easy to see things in an unrealistic way. When there is no real baby, it is easy to be idealistic.”