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Average, normal, waiting to be equal

By Jim Woulfe - posted Thursday, 17 August 2006


It amazes me that in Australia, in 2006, we need to hold an inquiry into the rights of same sex couples. We live in what is essentially a tolerant and inclusive society, so one has to wonder why people like my partner Andreas and I are still waiting for equality.

In every way but one, Andreas and I are an ordinary everyday middle-aged couple, living lives just like those of all the people around us. Thirteen years ago we actually proved this to the Australian Government, in a 60-page application for Andreas’ permanent residence visa. In the years since, our lives have become even more closely intertwined.

We’re productive members of society. We’re both employed, so we contribute to society with our taxes, and our work contributes to the organisations that employ us. We serve the community in other ways as well. Andreas has been part of the University of NSW Health in Men Study since its inception. I’m a Justice of the Peace, and a first aid officer.

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We participate in the lives of our extended families as a couple - indeed my nieces and nephews all think of Andreas him as an uncle and address him that way.

We’ve been together for 19 years, and like every couple we’ve had the opportunity to share some incredibly joyful times, and supported each other through painful ones. We fully intend to spend the rest of our lives together, and our commitment to each other is deep, genuine and ongoing.

Just like our straight friends we contribute to the life of our society, our families and each other. Just like our straight friends, we have a relationship, expressed by living together, which is utterly lawful.

Yet we continue to face arbitrary discrimination in a number of areas, almost all of them because our Federal Government refuses to recognise our relationship.

My submission to the Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission inquiry lists some of our concerns: the unequal application of the Medicare Safety Net, and the definition of spouse in the Income Tax Assessment Act which excludes us from provisions like superannuation splitting. Our inputs to the system are the same as those of comparable opposite-sex couples, yet we get less out of it. Every single one of these instances of discrimination is a nasty reminder that we are not equal.

It’s not as though the government gives us a choice in these matters. We can’t opt out of the Medicare Levy or superannuation. Given that we are compelled to be part of the tax, Medicare and superannuation systems, it’s reasonable to expect that - having contributed at the same rate as everyone else - we’ll get the same benefits. But we don’t.

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We believe that forcing us to contribute to a system which discriminates against us is just plain wrong.

One example from the aged care system underscores the spitefulness in this discrimination: where a member of an opposite-sex couple is incapacitated and requires nursing home care, the family home is not counted in the means test for an accommodation bond. But if one member of a same-sex couple requires residential nursing care, that person’s share of the family home is treated as an asset. This means if one partner becomes incapacitated, the other would have to sell the house to pay the nursing home bond.

There is likely to be plenty of time to fix this problem before it affects us, if ever. But it’s happening to other couples right now.

Two men living together as a couple is completely lawful and commonplace in this country, so when I say we are an everyday middle-aged couple in all but one respect, I’m not referring to the fact that we’re both men. For us the critical difference is that opposite-sex couples don’t find themselves under attack because of whom they live with.

I’ve lived in five countries, being open about my sexuality to varying degrees, but the only place I’ve been the target of homophobic behaviour is in Australia. For most of the last five years we have been the object of anti-gay harassment from a former neighbour. Discussion, mediation, an AVO - even his moving out of the neighbourhood - haven’t stopped the attacks. The police have been very supportive, but they can’t act unless our tormentor slips up in front of a witness.

I’m not so naïve as to confuse coincidence with cause, but it was notable that our former neighbour’s worst behaviour took place while our Federal Parliament was discussing and enacting the amendments to the Marriage Act in 2004.

Andreas and I strongly believe that by retaining the inequalities, and refusing to recognise same-sex relationships, our Federal Government maintains an environment in which hate and homophobia can thrive. It validates the views of the very few in our society who would attack us because of our sexuality. “The government treats gays and lesbians differently,” they say, “so why shouldn’t we?”

There are wider effects as well. Some young gay people attempt to escape into marriages with opposite-sex partners (I did). Some young gay people leave their homes and communities for the anonymity of large or foreign cities (I did). Worst of all, some young gay people are defeated entirely, and resort to suicide. All these responses are painful and unnecessary for individuals, families and communities.

We believe there is no essential difference between a same-sex couple and an opposite-sex one. Indeed decades ago, when homosexuality was decriminalised, the perception of difference was made redundant. The Australia Institute’s 2005 study Mapping Homophobia in Australia (pdf 212KB) showed homosexuality is not an issue in most people’s minds either. In our view, the only thing different about our relationship is that we are attacked and discriminated against because of it.

Our Federal Government has a great power to end the discrimination and neutralise the homophobes. Granting equality for same-sex relationships would rob the people who attack us of their phoney justification. This is the single biggest step our government could take against homophobic harassment and violence.

Two things struck me when I was reading through the personal submissions to this inquiry. The first was that the relationships documented here are incredibly resilient, given the obstacles they have overcome. The second was just how many of these obstacles can be attributed to our Federal Government’s refusal to recognise same-sex relationships.

In our view, there’s absolutely no justification for this. We abide by the laws of this country, we pull our weight in society, yet we’re effectively being punished for our - entirely lawful - sexual orientation.

So what should happen instead?In June this year, the Prime Minister said he was in favour of removing discrimination against homosexuals. A good start to doing so would be to extend the definition of spouse in federal legislation to include same-sex couples, in the same way as it now covers de facto couples. But real equality won’t come until we can also choose to formalise our relationships, as opposite-sex couples can. Until then, we’re just not equal.

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Jim Woulfe is concerned about the rights of gay couples.

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