How to scare and confound men

We don’t think to look upon feminism as an opportunity to give up the burden of all we have objectified and tried to control for the last few millennia. Instead, our competitiveness prevails.

Muddled men are now resorting to women as a benchmark for defining themselves. Metrosexuals. Diva fits. Believing sensitivity a greater virtue than truth. Poor Maureen even fears some may soon be asking her for Midol - a popular PMT treatment in the US.

Men are relinquishing their purpose just when it needs to be asserted. Instead of abandoning incomplete definitions based on looks, affluence or ideology, we hang on to them more tightly. We gravitate to misogyny, try to placate women by being effeminate or just lamely expect they will do the job on our behalf (and hopefully fail).

As Maureen explains, the traditional masculine exploits are being “Oprahized, turned into mawkish soap operas and personal sagas of redemption instead of mere muscular, gladiatorial contests”.

Frustrated, women are trashing all that men cherish - including, very often, themselves.

“I feel a certain undeniable pride that women have taken control of the two pre-eminent male preserves of America - politics and sport - and ruined them”, she brags at the end of the first chapter, How to set your bear trap in the mink department of Bergdorf’s.

Annoyed, we men just love parlaying our misunderstanding.

Listen up fellas: women don’t really want to be men - except “in the way they often grow more attractive and powerful with age”. Nor is their demand to make it in our world about themselves or a way of proving something, like we often do.

Equality is not about them - it’s about us and our willingness to pigeon-hole ourselves.

Of course feminism’s a sham. After a moment of indulgence, it was always going to be about helping men overcome their fears - not the other way around.

Maybe … just maybe, women are threatening only because we fear letting go of the dependencies they already know we cling to. And emasculating our heroes and great institutions was never their preferred option.

So, are men necessary?

Don’t be fooled guys. Maureen Dowd already knows the answer - as does your wife, mother and little sister (most likely), though they won’t let on.

The trick question - like all the others women hit us with - is only posed as a measure of our own fearless self-belief. And it’s time we stopped blaming them when we fail the test.