The neurosis of marriage

Getting married in order to keep someone in a relationship when they no longer want to be in is about trying to meet some deep insecurity about one's own lovableness and worth. Such insecurities need to be dealt with in the proper manner and marriage should never be used to try and hide those insecurities.

Social standing

There is no doubt that there always has been and still is a great deal of pressure from society to be married. This pressure has been placed on women in particular. Thanks to the hard won freedom gained by women in recent times this pressure is lessening but it is still present enough to force many women to resort to marriage in order to try and escape that pressure.

Many in society are not content with couples who just want to live together in a loving relationship – they want to see the complete theatrical presentation of a formal wedding. Many industries have built empires around maintaining the fairytale romance and wedding fantasy scenario. Many young women are brainwashed by all those who have a vested interest in maintaining this marriage myth. They are told that their wedding day is the greatest day of their life. Celebrity weddings which are hyped up in the media, reality shows whose only aim is to have an outcome of marriage, dramas and soap operas which all climax in a wedding ceremony all contribute to presenting an image to young women and girls that such is what is expected.

Even more pervasive is the emotional pressure applied by relatives and friends to get married and to stay married. When you are in a miserable situation it is often a tactic to try and induce others into entering the same situation in order to deny your own unhappiness. This is often what is behind family pressure on young people to marry. If married people are so happy being married then there is no need to try and convince others of the benefits of being married. If those benefits are so good they will be obvious and anyone trying to convince others is really only trying to convince themselves.

There are pressures coming from all quarters in society to be married but no one should do anything in their life which is not necessary and which only bows to the pressure of others. Doing so only demonstrates a basic insecurity which can never be appeased by behaving in ways that do not address that insecurity. Getting married in order to try and keep peace with one's insecurities about oneself is not reasonable or logical behaviour. It is neurotic behaviour.

Of course everyone who wants to get married or is married denies all these hidden insecurities but what other reasons could there be for going through the marriage pantomime? The whole phenomenon of the 'marriage institution' needs to be seriously exposed for what it is. In recent years we have seen countless hours and millions of dollars spent on debating whether to accept more neurotic marriages by same-sex couples. Our society should be ashamed of itself that it is even talking about marriage at all. Whoever fronts the altar or registry office is doing so to meet some very basic insecurities. If we want to be a mature society and one which genuinely cares for the real emotional needs of its members we will want to address their real problems and not be a party to their denial.