Fashion? You’re standing up in it.

Take the classic film Casablanca, for example. Readers will recall that even refugees fleeing oppression in Europe in desperate circumstances still managed to turn up to a nightclub in out of the way Casablanca in full evening dress. That must be style (I suppose)!   

So for the guys, at least, we can mandate evening dress for nightclubs just as they are in the film Casablanca, no differences allowed. Oh, and male undergraduates must wear ties, with collars,  but no hats. Those who refuse these rules will receive a visit from the fashion police, mainly consisting of dags, and be compelled to wear a safari suit.

There are precedents for this. Sumptuary laws, designed to regulate outward shows of consumption, were common in medieval and renaissance times although they were usually imposed for religious reasons, rather than for those of equality.

Most importantly of all, nothing would be allowed to change, or at least not without applications to the committee and full public debate. That way the fashion victims amongst us might have some chance of keeping up.