AIG job application

Dear Mr Willox,

AI Group job application for PR toady

I would like to apply to the Australian Industry Group (AIG) for the position of casual PR toady on any day of any month you like.

I will work public holidays and my kids will too. Split night shifts are welcome.

As the CEO of AIG, your ideas for casualising the Australian workforce appealed to me. I am happy to undercut the hourly rate for casuals (in lieu of all benefits) because I want a job.

I understand that AIG's policies consist solely of proposals to improve the profitability of companies through business welfare, rather than actually improving economic performance. Being a casual employee, I know a lot about welfare.

I will avoid mentioning sham contracting in the construction industry and I completely understand why AIG won't agree to legislation to enforce weekend penalty rates. Weekends are for sissies.

I applaud AIG's push to cut kids penalty rates for weekend work in the fast food industry. Lets attack the chimney sweeps next.

I totally agree with you that flexibility of workers is exactly the same as flexibility for workers and those who disagree are socialist grammarians. It seems that all AIG's talk about "flexibility" in IR relates to the downward variety, the kind that reduces pay and conditions for employees.

It sounds a bit like WorkChoices but we can rebrand that. Lets call it 'flexichoices' and get fitness guru Michelle Bridges to demonstrate how a business can run with 90 percent casuals by doing squats and knee bends. The fitness industry is a stellar example of how we can completely eradicate the rights of employees.

Some might think it unseemly when AIG staff don party hats every time the Gillard Government primary vote drops below 30 per cent, but I agree that it's important to keep up staff morale. Party hats are cheap.

Even though AIG is managing the $15.7 million Australian Government's Corporate Champions project to retain and hire older workers, it has no internal policies on the employment and retention of people aged 50 and over. I'm happy to write you some grand motherhood statements to gloss over that fact.