1) Look how far the cinema experience has come! Where once upon a time we were bombarded with the mind-boggling stupid dialogue, shoddy effects and hoky actors offered by such filmic icons as
Ed Wood, (http://hem.passagen.se/mwrang/edwood.htm) today's movies are a voyage in auteurship.
Now, of course, we have the razor-sharp acting of Britney, (http://movie-reviews.colossus.net/movies/c/crossroads.html )
and the scintillating directorship of Lucas. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/wiltshire/entertainment/films/clones.shtml)
Hey, pop quiz: what's the real difference between Ed Wood and George Lucas? Simple: Ed Wood knew how to accessorize.
The man could really work an angora sweater.
2) Music. Let's be honest: if I never hear "Piano Man" or "Hotel California" on commercial radio again, it will still be too damned soon. But hey, why stop there? Check this
list of classics... http://www.onezero.org/masterpieces.htm. Obviously, it's time for the torch to be passed -- and once again, it's clear
that Ms Spears has the kind of genius which is going to make Intergenerational Change a breeze! http://www.all-britney-spears-lyrics.pair.com/lyrics-bombastic-love.html
(Did I remember to mention sheer genius? My God... it's positively awe-inspiring.)
3) Television. Hey, this is a no-brainer. I mean... back in the Bad Old Days they had Star Trek, a dopey show about a space-ship full of bombastic, neo-colonialist 23rd Century Americans in
space. Except that some of them had pointy ears and were called "Vulcans". http://www.ericweisstein.com/fun/startrek/
Nowadays, of course, we have "Enterprise" -- a show about bombastic, neo-colonialist 22nd Century Americans in space. What's the big difference, I hear you ask? Simple. This time, the
pointy-eared one has really amazing hooters! http://www.megspace.com/entertainment/bit/tpolgallery.html (Ha! Eat your heart
out, Bill Shatner!)
4) Politics: In the bad old days, our timorous Prime Ministers took us All The Way With LBJ into a terrible war against a murky foe in a land that didn't want us. Vietnam left deep scars which
are only now beginning to heal. Contrast that with our modern, independent stance as a strong but peaceful nation, as we lend our valuable aid at the polite request of the sage George Bush in
America's clearly-defined struggle against those bitter enemies of world peace in Afghanistan... no, wait, they're in Pakistan... no, hold on, it's Iraq and North Korea at once... errr... no, it's
Cuba... Yemen... Kazakhstan... Chechnya...
5) Food: back in the 'fifties, they discovered that by eliminating any form of taste or nutrition from food, it was possible to make the stuff very, very quickly. If you stuck to making
hamburgers, that is. (I'm not gonna supply weblinks here for reasons which should be obvious.) Of course, in the nutrition-sensitive, multicultural modern era, the simple hamburger has long since
become passé. Now, in just thirty seconds you can drive up in your car and have the nutrition and flavour leached from half the world's cuisines for you!
(PS: for anybody who might be curious as to why I'm not offering specific weblinks, the following site helps to outline the dangers of directly criticizing fast food corporations. http://www.mcspotlight.org/case)
6) Back in the good old days, lists of ten actually had ten items, and it took forever to read them. Today, of course, we've managed to shorten people's attention spans sufficiently that the
research shows almost nobody ever proceeds past item six.
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