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What gay couples need to hear about 'donor' conceived children

By Maggie Millar - posted Monday, 11 July 2011


There have been a number of articles and television programs in recent months about the burgeoning world trade in babies. There has also been much discussion about the rights of gay couples to donor conception and adoption, especially of overseas infants. No doubt this is one of the things the gay community thinks the PM needs to hear, and the three gay couples are sure to raise it with her at the much publicised dinner they will shortly share with her at the Lodge.

There are also however some things gay couples – or indeed anyone who thinks they have a right to someone else's child - need to hear.

When Jacqueline Tomlins and her partner Sarah took 'their' son to Canada to meet his (assumedly) maternal grandparents (Age 20/6) did they also include his paternal grandparents? Because there is obviously a father somewhere, and many of his relatives may also like to meet this addition to their family.

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Or is this yet another example of the rights of all children to know who they are and where they come from being ignored? Jackie and her partner sound like caring sensible people, so hopefully their children will be more fortunate than many, and will have ongoing contact with all their parents.

No-one has a right to a child; and no-one, whether gay, straight, single, married, young or old is entitled to someone else's child, especially when that child's own human rights are thoroughly trampled on.

Babies and small children cannot speak for themselves. According to Australian ethicist Professor Margot Somerville, no procedure should be embarked upon unless we can be absolutely certain that children conceived by various medical interventions will approve of what was done to them as infants when they reach adulthood.

There are now more than enough examples world wide of donor conceived persons, whose rights were never even considered, being very angry indeed at such cavalier and inhumane treatment, especially when they are unable to trace their fathers or mothers.

As one woman in a splendid article by Angela Shanahan (Australian 11/2) put it: "I cannot begin to describe how dehumanised and powerless I am to know that the name and details about my biological father and my entire paternal family sit somewhere in a filing cabinet…with no means to access it.

"Information about my own family, my roots, my identity I am told I have no right to know."

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Despite the weasel words used to describe these procedures: sperm 'donor' (father), egg 'donor' (mother), 'expenses' (fee for 'donation') etc. it is abundantly clear that what these donors are parting with are their own children, apparently without any concern for their future welfare. As one donor conceived adult puts it "I'd like to meet the man who didn't consider it important to have contact with me - his own child."

And always we have the media hype about these procedures ensuring the happiness of couples who for whatever reason can't have children of their own, thus encouraging the notion of a 'right' to a child. No mention of how the children may feel in years to come. The media it seems always and only concentrate on the cheap emotionalism of the adult side of the story.

To force any human being to forfeit their own reality without their knowledge or consent in order that someone else can live out their fantasy is unconscionable. This is real identity theft. And if these donor conceived children do want to meet with their own fathers or mothers as is perfectly natural and understandable, they are told they are ungrateful.

Most donor conceived children in heterosexual families are lied to by their 'parents' about their situation. Parents like to think that the child's biological connections are unimportant. (They really need to do some serious research.) At least this can't happen in a gay partnership as there is obviously a mother or father somewhere around. Although they may be very far away, as sperm and eggs are freely available - well for a price - on the internet, and anonymity is guaranteed.

There is now a growing 'market' in India for sperm, eggs, and even foetuses from men and women all over the world who must remain anonymous. In one case, documented on Compass a few weeks ago, these are sold to a company run by couple of gay men in Israel, flown to India and then implanted in surrogate mothers, for a fee. These 'mothers' live in dormitories in a clinic run by an Indian doctor who is also paid, until they give birth, sometimes to their own babies. The babies are then collected either by the new 'parents' who have paid a very large fee, or a courier, who delivers them to wherever in the world they will end up. These hapless infants have no way of knowing anything about their genetic background, medical conditions which may run in their families, talents, tendencies, or any of the myriad other things we inherit from our families.

They are mere commodities. And are treated as such.

What on earth have we become, that we can treat the creation of a new human life in such a deeply inhuman, selfish and materialistic manner? Why have we lost our sense of the profound importance of family connections, of our ancestors, our tribe, our own people? Why do we refuse to acknowledge rhe inalienable right of all persons to know who they are and where they come from, and which must override the perceived 'right' of infertile or gay couples?

I have no doubt that some time in the future profuse public apologies will be sadly offered to the countless thousands of people who were so heartlessly disconnected from their own families, the ones whom no one cared about in the misplaced euphoria about reproductive technology: the children.

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About the Author

Maggie Millar is on the Victorian Women’s Honour Role for her activism on social issues including adoption, body image and ageing. A former award-winning actor, she now practices as an artist in Central Victoria.

Creative Commons LicenseThis work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

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