Cheap air fares: just add surcharges

"I suppose there's a charge for the bathroom," I said sarcastically.

"$5 a visit," she said matter-of-factly. "Now, would you like lunch on your flight?"

"How much?"

"It's $10, and you get a choice of day-old chicken salad sandwich or recently unfrozen cheese sandwich, each with five potato chips." I selected the ebola chicken salad. "Something to wash it down? We have a wide variety of almost-cold drinks. "$3 for soda, $5 for any micro-mini liquor. But if you buy three or more, you get one free bathroom pass."

"Can I just pass on the drinks right now and decide once I'm in the air?"

"Not a problem," she said just as sweetly, "but there's a surcharge for last-minute decisions. We have to add a buck to each drink. And we take only cash. Clean, unmarked, crisp bills in the exact amount." I bought two sodas. "Diet or regular?"

"Diet."

"That'd be fifty cents more for each soda."

"That's outrageous. You can go to any soda machine in the country and buy two diet sodas for the same price as regular sodas. And they're only a buck or so apiece."

"Really? That's strange. I'll have to look into that. So, that's $6 for two sodas plus a buck for the surcharge. Now, do you have luggage you're taking?"

"How much?"

"Only $50 a bag. Carry-on bags are only $30. How many bags, sir?"