Acting on impulse - confessions of a born again Theso

The actual performances were something else again. The packed hall went ballistic. It was surreal. I had the audience in the palm of my hand. Some literally fell out of their seats laughing and at the conclusion there was a deafening “whooh!” For that perfect moment in time, I was Cate Blanchette. I truly made it my own and they liked me. They really liked me.

People raved on about how “brave” I was. It wasn’t brave. In fact it felt ridiculously comfortable to scream my lungs out in pure ecstasy in front of 600 people. Besides, I’d never faked it before - who knew it could be so much fun? Afterwards, people’s appreciation of what I had done (and how vocal I had been) came laced with gratitude from both women and men. Acting is showing what is real. I candidly exposed my humanity and the experience fitted like a pair of fluffy slippers. I realised then that I truly am an actor. (Ok, sure, I’m also an exhibitionist, but hey … the punters had to pay for their tickets, so it was art, OK?)

How reassuring now to look back and realise that every seemingly “wrong” path in my long road lead me to that singular defining moment. I have seen the light and it’s a neon sign. Can I have an amen?

Of course, it’s a short space from the Penthouse to the Doghouse. The “Depends” phone call came a week later. You have to take the good with the weird and sometimes it means doing wacky things so you can afford to do what is worthwhile.

Those that are yet to acknowledge themselves as artists usually resist claiming the appropriate label. Talented instrumentalists are reluctant to call themselves “musicians” until they are being regularly paid to play. Artists are most critical of their own work. It took me ages to call myself a writer but I’m now prepared to call myself both a writer and an actor. Sure, part of me is still hoping that one day I’ll be “discovered” in a milk-bar like Lana Turner (although it will more than likely be in an espresso bar) and then traditional acknowledgement in the form of fame, will be conferred upon me along with the bigger tax burden. But in the meantime, I’m going legit (hence, the agent). I have heaps to learn and that’s what’s so great about it. Learning to be an actor and learning about life are inseparable phenomena. I’m at drama school every time I wake up in the morning - and of course, many of the times I go to bed.