Kids having kids

Jack Handey (b. February 25,1949), American humorist once said: “I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.”

The world woke to the sensational news headlines “DAD AT 13” in the British tabloid The Sun on Black Friday, February 13.

Alfie Patten from Hailsham, East Sussex, whose voice has not yet broken, admitted he had not thought about how he and his 15-year-old girlfriend Chantelle Steadman, would support their baby daughter Maisie Roxanne - who was born five days earlier - but vowed to be a good father.

The most troubling of the saturation coverage to date for me on this issue was Alfie’s response to a journalist’s innocuous question of how he would manage financially. Alfie’s unbelievable but innocently plausible reply of “What’s financially?” further highlights inherent problems associated with underage pregnancy.

The lucid television coverage of the giggle and wry grin offered by Chantelle on hearing Alfie’s naive response further exacerbates the broader problems associated with children having children without the wisdom that is only afforded parents through the accumulation of age.

If poor little Alfie doesn’t know the meaning of the word “financially” then what hope is there of him comprehending the potential concerns that could arise for his daughter: sleeping problems; reflux; teething; nappy rash; tantrums, and how to reduce the risk of cot death. The image of little 13-year-old Alfie walking the floor in the dead of night trying to calm his crying daughter Maisie Roxanne from unexplained discomfort is a disturbing thought.

And what chances are there that little Alfie will fulfil his responsibility to Chantelle by providing support, understanding, and care when she endures excruciating back and neck aches, incontinence, bowel problems, sore breasts, and a myriad of other post natal ailments that she will inevitably experience.

The coming weeks will provide many new twists to this intriguing story that has already thrown up some surprises: several teenagers from the neighbourhood have also publicly claimed to be the father of baby Maisie Roxanne; and Nicola Patten, Alfie’s mother, has been charged with “failing to send a child (Alfie) to school”.

In Australia the teenage fertility rate has significantly decreased in the last three decades (55.5 births per 1,000 women in 1971 compared to 16 births per 1,000 women in 2005).

However the most amazing statistic in my home state, based on Queensland Health data from 2005, reveals the fertility rate for Indigenous mothers aged 15-19 was 67 babies per 1,000 compared to 20.5 per 1,000 for “mainstream” mothers of the same age group.

From Queensland Health’s data the group deemed to be most at risk of falling into the category of teenage pregnancy includes those who are from family situations with regular conflict between members; have suffered violence and sexual abuse in childhood; are in unstable housing arrangements; produce poor school performance; have poor school attendance; are from a low socioeconomic background; have a family history of teenage pregnancies; and have low maternal education and homes where fathers are absent.

The report further highlights that those young girls who have low self esteem, who are Aboriginal or Torres Strait Islander and are living in rural and remote areas are at greatest risk of falling into the category of teenage pregnancy.

You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to work out that these indicators would be more perceptible in discrete Indigenous communities because of our statistical standing as the most marginalised group in the nation.

Nothing much changes from one national survey to the next. Every five years, from the Australian Bureau of Statistics, it is consistently identified that Indigenous people are occupying the lowest rung of the ladder on all social indicators. So it stands to reason that there will be high numbers of family households that do not have both parents around, and if so, one or both of them will be unemployed or be engaged in casual employment.

There is also a high likelihood that overcrowding, alcoholism, substance abuse, and neglect is or has been apparent during the children’s formative years for many families.

But do these ill-fated circumstances excuse negligent parents of their responsibility to provide the ultimate protection for their underage children from older predators, or from unhealthy relationships with children of similar age?

I offer an emphatic no to the above question and in turn question whether negligent parents are indeed fit to be the legal guardians of their children. If counselling is the answer to concerns about child rearing practices or financial management, then pressure needs to be placed on the government to provide these critical services as a matter of urgency to protect the protectors of our future generations.

I lived in a fringe camp with 300 displaced traditional owners from disparate tribes on the outskirts of a rural community when I was young, but my parents didn’t use our impoverished environment as an excuse not to provide love, care and security at all times. Today my wife Rhonda and I err on the side of caution on all matters concerning our children.

There have been many occasions when I’ve offended associates from Indigenous organisations who enquire about staying at my house when in town on business - aware that I have spare rooms to take in guests - because I choose not to take unnecessary risks with a young son and daughter under the same roof.

Now that may sound alarmist from someone who grew up in a community where, in the past, caring and sharing was a redeeming feature of Indigenous families. But with the arrival of the new millennium, a plethora of new social ills have also permeated Indigenous communities that weren’t apparent in previous generations, for example, stress, mental illness and so on.

I argue that it is impossible to know if the person you meet - in the controlled environment of a community forum where everyone is on their best behaviour, who has a calm demeanour, is clean shaven and well groomed - has the darkest secrets of past associations with underage children.

It’s best to be safe than sorry. If you offend people, then sobeit. At least in the final analysis you won’t be burdened in years to come for making a grave error of judgment by allowing a complete stranger into your house overnight - especially if during the night he wanders into your child’s room.

Rhonda and I don’t engage in social drinking nor do we entertain any form of gambling or consumption of illicit drugs. Our son Stephen is now 16, and daughter Jayde is 13, and at all times, day and night, we are aware of their location and the friends they are with.

When our children go to a school social, we drop them off and pick them up at a pre-arranged time and place immediately after the event. And the same rules apply when they venture into town to do shopping or attend the cinema with friends; Rhonda and I are there at our pre-arranged time and have an expectation that they will not be a minute late when our car pulls up.

I know we can’t keep our children in cotton wool all their lives but we can certainly ensure they enter adulthood with a high degree of confidence in reading signs of unacceptable behaviour or advances from those they choose to associate with.

But mostly we talk to our children regularly about the dangers of alcohol, drugs, and inappropriate relationships with the opposite sex. Where once I used to spend most of my Saturdays at the pub betting recklessly on slow horses, pressing unlucky poker machine buttons, and buying drinks for friends who didn’t reciprocate - I now spend quality time with my children at sporting events or social gatherings.

I hope parents who allow their children to wander free during the day and night with no restrictions do not become the subject of national media scrutiny like those parents were in early 2008; when their children allegedly engaged in prostitution work in return for cigarettes and alcohol from willing truckies visiting the area.

For those defenceless parents, single mum’s in particular, who are physically intimidated into turning a blind eye to perpetrators accosting their underage children within their community, I recommend strongly that they show some ticker and report them to the police. If the local police don’t take their complaint seriously then report them to a higher authority.

It also appals me that parents allow their children to consume alcohol and smoke cigarettes at home - believing that it is best to control their consumption. Their action in condoning this behaviour is unlawful and should also be reported.

It is also beyond comprehension for me that parents allow their children to bring their boyfriend or girlfriend home and then into their bedroom for privacy. Parents have got to be kidding themselves if they seriously think their child is exchanging school notes or iTunes (which is exactly what Chantelle Steadman’s mother thought when little Alfie visited her house to play games behind closed doors) when in all probability they are venturing into the realm of risky sexual activity.

Ignorance of our children’s behaviour should never be an excuse.