Auto motives

Contrastingly feminine, dances in the cheeky little Mercedes Smart who is quite slim, changes gear frequently, is economical to the point of frugality, but does not want to have a family.

T.S.N.K! Two seats, no kids!

Bigger, yet ladylike, speeds the Honda, as it flaunts its range of pretty colours, generous mirrors, and smooth, gentle curves. This attractive model is petite, likes to be noticed, blinks quickly, prefers intimate seating, and enjoys the bright lights.

In ferocious contrast, you will notice the heavy guzzling, gross, excessive, ostentatious Hummer, as it monsters the less affluent BMW, in turn noted for its arrogance while being somewhat pushy and pretentious.

Whereas many of these previous personalities reek of money, consider the Falcon ute who is fairly common, fast, dirty, seldom washed, and often has a load. Nor should you discard the tradesman’s truck who gets so much that he has to put a man on!

Move, now, to slightly more expensive models, and you will find the Pajero, a bit gullible, wanting to have all the smart accessories, looking down on others, being a bit bombastic about dropping the kids off at school. Its male drivers wear their sunnies on top of their baseball hats, and the women are decked out in pearls and twin sets. This car parks its large body anywhere it damn well pleases.

Then there are contrasting comparisons in the area of intimate relationships typified by the Dennis fire truck who, although holding an enormous amount of liquid, comes to heat rapidly and is capable of a long extension with a fast pressure nozzle which thus puts out any fire quite quickly.

This guy gestures with his horn at a different member of the heavy fleet, the Mack, who is also powerful, but with greater endurance and has the habit of going a long way off the beaten track to transport things to another state.

Much more flighty and fussy is the racing car which, although fast, runs around in circles, makes many pit stops, sometimes goes off track, finishes quicker than the others, and is often re-tyred.

“To do nothing special” sums up our Corolla which is totally unimaginative, a steady plodder, perfectly standard wearing muted colours, and easily driven.

This fella could suffer a touch of jealousy about the Jaguar, but overlooks a number of that character’s features including being very shiny on top, having a long nose, not much underneath, and a yearning for the good old days.

Finally, pull over for the ubiquitous Commodore, powerful, fast, will take on anyone, often goes out on solo runs, but when carrying the family, insists on trailering its pet boat everywhere!

To sum up, I have a yen for the Asian variety; its appearance is thought through meticulously, it is innovative, thrifty, courteous, politely blending into our Western culture while retaining a strong sense of its own identity.

Its provenance confirms that Arthur Caldwell was way off the mark last century defending the White Australia policy when he said: “two Wongs don’t make a white”.

They do … and a range of other car colours as well!