McCain melts down

Yeah, well, Obama called his bluff and went rampaging around the Middle East with just about the entire American news establishment in tow (snide comments from the McCain camp referred to the few remaining reporters left to cover boring stuff like Republican presidents or would-be Republican presidents, as the “JV Squad”).

All this press attention on Obama only gave McCain something new to whine about, as The One drowned out completely any hope of McCain getting any news traction during The Sojourn. First Obama’s a jerk because he hasn’t gone to Iraq, then he’s a jerk because he did. Way to go, John. No doubt you’ll be picking up votes in droves with that attitude.

Actually, though, given the calibre of the campaign he’s running, McCain’s lack of press coverage might not be such a bad thing. The McCain team’s idea of a cool press event is to run up to Kennebunkport and hang with Poppy Bush, the much-loved father of the much-loved president who brought us the much-loved war Obamster was off trying to figure out how to end. What in the world were they thinking? That the 84 year-old ex-prez was the only guy with his boots still above ground that their candidate could stand next to and actually look younger? That the Bush family endorsement will bring a “surge” of voters to carry McCain over the finish-line this November? Wow, that’s some strategic acumen, eh?

You can tell how deeply the handwriting has been jack-hammered into the wall when Obama goes to Iraq and gets an endorsement from the Prime Minister there for his troop withdrawal plan. Didn’t any wisp of a raison d’être for the entire McCain campaign just immediately evaporate into thin air at the moment the supposedly sovereign government of the country we invaded said we should get out, just like Obama wants, and just when Obama wants?

Maybe we’ve all just grown too comfortable with a Republican arrogance that could make Caesar blush, but when McCain pooh-poohed Maliki’s polite but firm get-the-hell-out request by pulling rank and claiming “I know what Iraqis want”, this entire country should have fallen of its collective chair. So let me see if I have this straight: We went to Iraq to fight for freedom and democracy, but the democratically elected government of this sovereign state, which we fully support, is less qualified than John McCain to decide when the occupying force which invaded their homeland should buzz off? He knows what the Iraqi people want and need better than their own prime minister?

I guess it does make sense if we remember that McCain is the foreign policy expert in the race. He won’t have a learning curve in the White House. One small problem, though. Every other time the guy opens his mouth he demonstrates one of two things, neither one of which exactly emerges from his campaign’s playbook. Either he isn’t quite the foreign policy guru we’re supposed to believe he is, or he’s, ahem, having some senior moments here and there. Which is not entirely unexpected given that he is, well, you know ... senior. Either way, on some days he is running a better campaign against himself than is Obama.

Memo to McCain, the great foreign policy expert in the campaign: Czechoslovakia is not a country. Repeat, not a country. Hasn’t been for about 15 years now. Stop using the term. Especially, don’t use it three times in a row!

Memo #2: If you’re gonna be a foreign-policy expert, get your Sunnis and Shiites straight, whouldya? In this particular decade, it matters. And, no, it won’t do to have Joe Lieberman standing behind you holding your crib sheet. Unless, that is, you plan to have him in bed with you every night, just in case that call comes in at 3.00am. And, if you do, then you’ve got a different problem, and don’t expect to be getting any votes from Republicans in November.

Memo #3: You’d probably be right, as you stated just the other day, about the urgency of securing the Iraq-Pakistan border. Under one condition, that is - that there was such a thing. There isn’t in the real world, John, so it doesn’t look real good when the guy, whose only remotely plausible rationale for winning the election is to continue scaring enough people about national security one more time, tells us all how important this is.

Memo #4: Vladimir Putin is not the president of Germany. In fact, if you want to get all technical about it, he’s not the president of any country right now. But he was the president of this really big country called Russia (no, it’s not the Soviet Union anymore - that went out along with Czechoslovakia), and you should probably know something about it and its government if you’re going to be the go-to guy when that phone rings at ...

Of course, the McCain campaign describes all the attention to these boners as unfair media coverage, to match the fawning treatment given to Mr Senator The One. Apart from the fact that my dictionary defines such complaints as “pathetic whining”, it beggars belief that John McCain, of all people on the planet, could complain about unfair media coverage. This guy has been stroking the press for decades, and they’ve been returning the favour in spades, with hardly ever an unfavourable article written about him or his flip-flops or his skanky associations, and hardly ever a report where his name is mentioned and the word “maverick” is not.

It’s all going completely wrong for McCain, ranging from every voter Bush alienates to every mistake McCain makes to every one Obama doesn’t. And because it’s falling apart so very badly, the desperation and ugliness is starting to set in - not coincidentally - with the new campaign staff drafted directly from Karl Rove Political Assassinations, Kneecappings and General Mayhem, Inc.

McCain relentlessly hammers Obama for supposedly having gotten it wrong on the surge, and for continuing to refuse to admit that. Meanwhile - even assuming he is right about that, and it is not at all clear that this was the factor which brought down violence in Iraq - McCain is stupid to play that game. Does anyone think that voters are going to choose their president in 2008 on the basis of their Iraq policy? And even if they were to, would they pick the guy who wants to stay on the same path we’ve been on in Iraq? And even if they somehow want that, are they willing to choose someone because of that, despite his desire to continue the same economic policies that are currently crippling most voters?

This week McCain described Obama - who, by the way, never fails to honour and admire McCain before disagreeing with him on policy questions - as someone who “would rather lose a war in order to win a political campaign”. That sort of sleazy personal attack is way beyond the pale, especially when describing one of the few brave souls in American politics who opposed the war from the very beginning, back when doing so was a serious political liability, especially for anyone ever contemplating running for president.

Regressivism is a sickness, and it has infected John McCain, who now appears to be capable of saying or doing most anything to gain the presidency. As far as I can see, about the only thing which could possibly save John McCain right now, in the America of 2008, would be if he were running against, say, a black man, as the Democratic presidential nominee.