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• males are angrier than females (not necessarily so);
• anger is good (not when it results in domestic violence);
• anger is bad (not when it helps you cope with stress);
• anger is all in the mind (not so, anger like all emotions is very physical);
• anger is all about getting even (not so, anger is usually about asserting authority or extracting revenge); and
• only certain types of people have a problem with anger.

What is anger management? Anger management is a process for understanding the reasons behind one’s feelings of anger, the different styles of anger, and methods for coping with anger.

Before attempting to manage your anger, be sure to establish a support system in place to assist you on this difficult path. Support comes in four main forms: emotional support (those folk who applaud your coming to grips with your problem); informational support (the roadmap to assist with your change); tangible support (i.e. hands-on help from say, your spouse to help you master the issue); and appraisal support (people giving you frank feedback, telling you just how much, or how little progress they feel you are making).

Gentry outlines the steps involved in managing your anger:

• Step 1: Weigh up just how angry you are. Understand why you’re angry;
• Step 2: Understand that anger is not the same as hostility, which is an attitude of ill will synonymous with sarcasm;
• Step 3: Examine the frequency and the intensity of your anger.
   
  The frequency of getting angry and the intensity of that anger determine the category of the anger experience that one suffers. There are six types: episodic irritation (rarely experiencing even mild anger); episodic anger (feeling angry a couple of times a week, but never anything major); episodic rage (infrequently stirred to anger, but when stirred the, anger is red-hot. This is also called toxic anger); chronic irritation (frequently angry but at a simmering intensity); chronic anger (frequently angry at high intensity); chronic rage (frequently angry and at the highest intensity. This is by far, the very worst case of anger).

What can be learned from anger management instruction? Several things in fact.

When you feel a surge of anger, take immediate action. The sooner you take control of your rage, the better off you’ll be. Anger by its nature is meant to be short lived. But for some people, anger percolates like filtered coffee, and grows in intensity like a knot of Queensland cane toads grows in numbers.

When an incident ticks you off, be annoyed. Be very annoyed. Feel free to stay annoyed. But don’t allow the annoyance to climb up the anger totem pole. You can do this by not over dramatising the situation and, whatever you do, don’t blame others.

Admit you have a short fuse. Gentry holds that the length of your fuse is a function of your temperament; the temperament of your role models; and of your personality. In order to cope better with your anger, you need to lengthen your fuse. You can’t easily change your temper, but you can drink less alcohol and caffeine, sleep more, and get into therapy to handle your stress and interpersonal issues.

You cannot manage anger if you’re focused on managing the circumstances that unleashed it. Jettisoning the criticism and asserting some self-discipline is how you manage anger.

Anger, it must be understood, is not a choice. No more than feelings of sadness or joy. Anger is your nervous system’s instinctive reaction to some perceived threat or danger.

The choice has to do with what comes after you feel angry, that is how you act, and whether you continue to harbour anger.

Belinda Neal too has a choice. If she acts now that is. If she dithers, she’ll find out that a choice will be made for her. And like her behaviour on the soccer field, it won’t be pretty, that’s for sure.