Marrying outside the mob

“It’s good to see a black woman on TV who can speak well and has a full set of teeth.”

No sorry folks - that’s not the satirical ranting of a right wing extremist who has a low regard for black women - perpetuating the racist myth that their abusive black partners facilitated the toothless grin through frequent bouts of domestic violence.

More on the identity of the tactless author of those words a little later.

Relaxing in my lounge room recently on a lazy Sunday morning immediately after the Sunday (Channel 9) program with two assertive black women; wife Rhonda and daughter Jayde, I knew I really had no choice but to hand over the prized remote control when pressured and forfeit the right to watch the Wide World of Sport in favour of their preferred program: The View on pay TV.

The taxing alternative was to go into the rumpus room and compete for the smaller TV with my son Stephen, whom I knew was totally immersed in playing his new PS3 game Grand Theft Auto IV.

On this particular day I was content however to take a seat in the lounge and catch up on the latest American women’s gossip principally as Michelle Obama, potentially the first black first lady of America, was playing co-host for that episode.

After some small talk about whether she preferred to wear pantyhose (she doesn’t) or if she liked bacon for breakfast (she does) and the more riveting snippets of whether her husband Barack, democratic presidential nominee, takes out the rubbish (he doesn’t) or if he loves to exercise (he does), the show got down to more probing questions from the divergent, but complementary, assembly of panellists.

That remark - made by panellist Whoopi Goldberg, “… it’s good to see a black woman on TV who can speak well and has a full set of teeth,” in reference to the outstanding public relations performance of Michelle Obama in support of her husband’s marathon democratic pre-selection campaign that received unprecedented television coverage around the world - almost knocked me out of my seat.

I was flabbergasted that Whoopi, a highly respected black actress, would be so implicitly condescending of black women in such an overtly offensive manner.

What was she thinking?

Michelle Obama’s non-response to the insensitive and illogical observation from the TV personality left off-screen executives with little option but to turn their cameras to other panellists who had a different slant on less threatening issues for her to answer.

Maybe what Whoopi was trying to say was that she was happy to see a successful married black couple gain such national prominence in challenging times. And in attempting to relay her appreciation she inexplicably tried to be a little bold and witty by making a racial remark - which she perhaps thought might be hip - but sadly for her it came out wrong and totally backfired.

Only time will judge whether Whoopi will survive the flood of complaints that The View executives will receive over the coming weeks. I’m sure if the remark was made by one of the white panellists they would have had their contract terminated after the show without hesitation.

The issue of race and mixed marriage has been the subject of much debate around camp fires and in lounge rooms of Indigenous households for most of the 20th century. In the ‘50s and ‘60s many Indigenous people, as a family and individually, chose to identify as being anything but Indigenous - Gypsy, Indian, Maori and so on - to avoid the blatant stigma from mainstream society that accompany those who identified as Indigenous.

I’ve spoken to many Indigenous women over the years who admitted they married outside their race as a way of escaping their impoverished lifestyle. They explained they wanted to be free of the burden of living in disadvantaged circumstances with no apparent foreseeable way out that came with living and marrying one of their own mob.

To them also it was perhaps the quickest way to achieve the ultimate Aussie dream of owning a home and raising a family on a quarter acre block in the suburbs. Once in the suburb, hundreds of kilometres away from their mob, they happily assimilated into the life of mainstream Australians and realised that dream.

Regrettably, to achieve their goal, in most cases, they chose to forgo their Aboriginality and became white, if not in appearance, then definitely in lifestyle and thinking.

What many Indigenous women also learnt, rather despondently, was the dream, although achieved with varying degrees of success, was a façade punctuated with physical and mental abuse from white partners who viewed them as a possession that they rescued from a life of despair and who therefore owed them everything.

In other cases where mixed marriages were a success the burden of palpable racism displayed, overtly and subtly, by in-laws and family associates continued to place a strain on an otherwise perfect union.

On top of all the doom and gloom that’s often highlighted by failed mixed marriages, there are infinitely more successful mixed marriages that have stood the test of time and whose offspring are influential advocates of Indigenous rights today.

But there still remains that intrinsic obsession within most Indigenous Australians to pass judgment on Indigenous personalities - whether they are involved in politics, arts, business, education, music and sport - and of their preferred partner. When photos appear on the news and in newspapers and gossip magazines of them with non-Indigenous partners attending award ceremonies and so on, aspersions are cast on their character and they become the focal point of gossip.

Questions such as “Why can’t they marry their own kind?” and “Aren’t we good enough for them?” do the rounds again and again.

Who could forget the racial controversy that spewed forth in the United States over the O.J. Simpson murder trial of his white wife?

If you think this is an overreaction on the part of cynics from within Indigenous communities about prominent Indigenous identities choosing non-Indigenous partners, try a little exercise and see what response you come up with.

Flick through any edition of the Koori Mail and ask yourself the question as to who that high profile Indigenous person, prominently featured within, is associated with or married to.

Another exercise is to construct a list of all the Indigenous leaders in your local community, especially in larger regional and urban areas, who are prominent in the news or head up responsible positions in the public or private sector and query who they are married to.

If you come up with a figure of about 80 per cent of prominent Indigenous Australians, male and female, in mixed race marriages then you can appreciate why these questions is often raised by the Indigenous community.

The question that I’ve heard on many occasions is “why are our smartest and gifted drawn outside their mob” to find a soul mate? Is it because of a perception that more is gained - prestige, influence and powerful connections - by choosing a non-Indigenous partner?

In 1918 the Federal Government revised its “Ordinance on Aborigines in the Northern Territory”:

Unmarried European men and "persons of Asiatic or Negro race" were not permitted to employ Aboriginal women;
Aboriginal women not allowed to work on boats;
Marriage with non-Aboriginal men required permission;
It is an offence to keep an Aboriginal woman as a mistress, have carnal knowledge with, procure an Aboriginal woman for prostitution (penalty of £100 or 3 months prison);
It is an offence for an Aboriginal woman to solicit for prostitution.

Thank goodness that draconian policy, and those of similar intent in other states, has long gone. Australia today appears to have developed a more mature approach to the issue of mixed marriages.

The Australian Bureau of Statistics data revealed that in 1991, 57 per cent of all couples involving an Indigenous person were mixed (that is, only one partner was Indigenous). However, the extent of mixed marriages for Indigenous people appears to be increasing. By 1996, this proportion had increased to 64 per cent. In over half (55 per cent) of all Indigenous couples in 1996, in which only one partner was Indigenous, that partner was the woman.

I’m not sure where Whoopi Goldberg was coming from in her offensive remark to Michelle Obama.

Maybe Whoopi, and might I suggest many Indigenous Australians, have become so engrossed in the mixed race debate and so accustomed to seeing black leaders from mixed marriages gain national prominence that when the rare occasions occur where successful black couples make it on centre stage together - as was the case with the Obamas - she was lost for words.

Maybe we all need to look inwardly at our own prejudices on the issue of race and be more accepting of people’s choices in life. And when success is bestowed on their achievements - let’s acknowledge their feats without condition.

I believe that colour alone will not be the main cause today for the break up of a marriage between mixed race couples or Indigenous couples.

And I also believe Friedrich Nietzche got it right when he said: “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”