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Power and violence in the home

By Roger Smith - posted Friday, 2 May 2008


Probably the best and most recent study of this phenomenon is “Partner Violence and Mental Health Outcomes in a New Zealand Birth Cohort” by Fergusson, Horwood & Ridder published in the Journal of Family and Marriage (vol. 67. no. 5, Dec 2005, pp. 1103-1119).

This research examines in depth the domestic violence experiences of a cohort of young New Zealanders selected at random based on the birth records of a Christchurch hospital. The key findings of the study were that domestic conflict (ranging from minor psychological abuse to severe assault) is common; that men and women report similar incidence and experiences of victimisation and perpetration of domestic violence; and that exposure to domestic violence is significantly related to increased risk of major depression and suicidal ideation.

This study is hardly a statistical outlier. In fact, Martin Fiebert of the Department of Psychology, California State University, Long Beach has compiled a list of 209 scholarly investigations (161 empirical studies and 48 reviews and/or analyses) indicating that women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners (see here).

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Some feminist-orientated academics, faced with the results of population studies such as these, have partially dismissed them by presupposing a somewhat unreal dichotomy between non-gender-based “situational couple violence” to which they claim the studies relate and gender-based “intimate terrorism”. But the domestic violence service industry, accustomed to policy victories, without the need for rigorous evidence-based research, has mostly just ignored the findings - perhaps in the hope that they will go away.

While there is certainly no harm in making DV services readily available to women in need, there is considerable harm, as the New Zealand study suggests, in invalidating men’s experience of violence and abuse in relationships. The inference in doing so is that intimate partner violence and abuse by women is acceptable - or even commendable - as a demonstration of feminine assertiveness in today’s society.

Saturation public advertising campaigns such as “Violence against Women - Australia Says ‘No’”, by deliberately acknowledging only female victims, might be useful in reducing the incidence of male perpetration, but they probably also create more male victims by their implicit message that women are permitted to do whatever they like to their male partners and society will always blame the man.

In the 1950s, battered wives who presented to doctors for treatment were advised to make their husbands happier so that he would stop the abuse. In the present day, male victims of domestic violence - whether physical or emotional - can expect to fare no better and in many cases probably worse. They are often treated with derision or disbelief, or more likely, just ignored.

Where men complain of abuse to a counselling industry in Australia built on Duluth philosophy and principles, they can expect to be told that “it’s just her way of getting her needs met” and are told to look for ways they can make their wife happier by taking on more household chores.

If a male victim, as is unfortunately often the case, responds to longstanding physical and/or mental cruelty by retaliating or just defending himself, he could expect to face the possibility of losing everything - his home, his children, his reputation, his job. Domestic violence campaigners who are supposed to be protecting victims have made sure that any pre-existing abuse (physical or psychological) by the woman will likely be disregarded. If this is not a power imbalance, then what is?

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At best, male victims of domestic violence will be advised to leave an abusive relationship, but this is often easier said than done. Given that family court judges often haven’t caught up with changes in Australian society and assume that women have a domestic role and men a role in the paid economy, men until recently have rarely been granted shared custody and are usually encumbered with unequal property settlements that see them losing the increasingly unaffordable family home.

The prospect of being kicked out of a comfortable family home they spent a lifetime working for, to live in cramped rental accommodation and loss of regular contact with their children, is enough to lead many men to despair. It comes as no surprise that they will often fight to save even a miserable marriage rather than face that prospect.

Newly-enacted humane family law and child support schemes that recognise changes to Australian society are a welcome development. But while our Federal laws are finally catching up with the 21st century, the State and Territory-based laws and the attitudes of the mostly middle-aged women who run domestic violence services in Australia are still, in many respects, stuck in a 1970s time warp.

It is time to remind these mostly fair-minded older sisters in charge of DV services, from which men are excluded, of the non-discriminatory ideals for which they once fought. To acknowledge the importance of non-discrimination in policy and service provision in no way implies any undermining of support services for women victims - if that is their concern. On the contrary, it recognises the appalling damage that DV can cause to victims of whatever background.

In 2008, there are no longer any excuses. It’s time for Western feminists to move into the 21st century and embrace the ideals of equality that they themselves once advocated. Because at the end of the day, we are really only asking for a simple acknowledgement - “yes”, women do commit domestic violence and “no” it is not acceptable!

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About the Author

Originally trained as a lawyer, Roger Smith lived in Indonesia and East Timor from 1995 to 2004 where he worked in the justice, human rights and trade union arenas.

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