How writing skills can be transformed through a shared personal tragedy

The final email was written to Angela. I knew that she would be giving birth the following day, and would probably not read the message for some time. But I wanted, demanded words to mark this moment in our relationship and to stress that her needs would always come first. The words poured out of my fingers as they hit the keyboard. Brutally. Angrily. But with confusion and care.

Date: Sat, 14 Jun 2003 14:47:08
From: Tara Brabazon
To: Angela Jones

My Darling Ange -

Your wonderful mother told us the terrible news on Friday, and gave us an update on Saturday. Let me just put some thoughts and feelings into words. It's all inadequate as hell - but let me get some words down.

I have no idea how you are feeling - no one can. I feel like a whole bit of my body has been cut off - like a special bit of my life has been lost. How you can handle the well-deep sorrow and pain - I have no idea.

All I can say is this. Whatever you need - whenever you need it - ask me. NO limits. NO restriction. I'll be there for you - whatever you need me to do. Never hesitate - just ask. We've been through so much - you and I. And I want us to go through a lot more - together.

Do not worry about anything at Murdoch. I'll handle all the stuff here. I understand that you won't want to see anyone for a while - I'd be exactly the same. When you decide that you want to see me - just drop me an email or phone. Come around to my place. We can have all our meetings at my house for as long as you like. You let me know what you want to do - and when you want to do it.

Ange - as you look at this screen - know that all the love I can summon is going straight to you. I always say to you - we are a team and we are together in this. I mean that phrase now more than ever.

I don't know if there is a god. I really don't. But if there is - then all I do know is that darling baby missed out on the best Mum in the world. But we'll all meet him - it will just take a bit longer.

All my love - now and always

T XXXXX

I could not help her understand why this tragedy had happened, and I felt like I was letting her down. I had always been the one with the right answers, the appropriate advice, and the Socratic questions to breadcrumb the path to truth. I had taught her from first year university through to her PhD. Now, I could not help her. Where she was going she had to go alone. But perhaps not.