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Men after retirement

By Peter West - posted Thursday, 19 July 2007


But I am not someone who can just “relax”. Like many, I am used to work and am currently pursuing a number of options: some volunteer work, mentoring younger people, and casual work in schools. I have work planned and work pending. And I have the leisure to write about my passions. I want to feel respected and accepted as a man, without the status I used to get at the university.

What do retired men need?

Unfortunately, retired men lose their sense of masculinity in the absence of three of the things that defined them as men: work, sport and sex. That’s why the happiest men in retirement are those who channel their energy into connection with others (such as grandkids) and/or a hobby or volunteer work.

Some men join the Men’s Sheds in various places, where they can do “guy stuff” and enjoy being with mates. Men's sheds are blossoming and the organisation has a conference in Manly, near Sydney, in September- see www.mensshed.org. Others join men’s groups or Rotary, Lions and similar clubs. These activities give their lives meaning. I think this is more fruitful than sitting in a pub reading the sports pages.

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Men in retirement continue to have the needs they had pre-retirement. And these needs are being looked at in university projects and on government websites and university projects such as www.seniors.gov.au and www.aro.gov.au.

First, men need adequate money to fund their needs. You can’t have much fun when there isn’t enough money. Save all your life and keep saving - that’s a lesson my dad taught me. I suppose that advice will help me to be better off than most people who have fewer choices because they have less discretionary income. And I notice prices creeping up year after year. I’m glad I got prudent habits from my dad.

The Federal Government has recently loosened superannuation laws to make men’s financial lives easier.

Second, men need mental stimulation. Some seem to get it writing letters to the papers. Others keep working but without the pressures of administration. Some join the University of the Third Age and enjoy courses in other places.

Physical exercise is another need. Our bodies adapt to the stresses and strains they get: sitting around all day will give most of us a bad back. Most of us need to walk, cycle, or swim. Eating the right food will also help keep us feeling good about ourselves. Sensible gyms encourage older males - who smile when they catch the young guys constantly checking their physiques in the mirror.

Retirement is a time to smile at many things. We all need fun and lightness. Laughter clubs have a real and important role in supplying this need. Staying positive and keeping a sense of fun are important, as Jack Zinn reminds us in his book Older Men’s Business. Many of us have fun by mixing with people younger than us. My father said once “I hate old people”. He was 92 at the time! But he loved being with his grandkids, just as I do. That’s fun, playing with a grand-son or daughter.

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Do men need love and sex? In my opinion, all men think about sex very often. The old dog may be a bit slower at doing what he used to do, but the desire lingers on. When you are 17 or 18, the thought of “old people doing it” is repulsive. How awful! I think research might show that people over 60 are much more active than the 20-somethings think.

With a patient and loving partner, a man can continue enjoying a loving (including sexual) relationship for many years. And that’s even without the little blue tablet the doctor gives him to keep it all going down below. At a conference recently, a woman spoke of a female friend whose husband had stopped working and wanted to have sex three times a day. Perhaps some would be envious of living with such a man, depending on the quality of the interaction, of course. Others would be horrified and say “for heavens sake, go out and get a job!”

And so there we are, back with the idea that a man is someone who works.

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The author would like to acknowledge help provided by the Minister for Ageing, Hon. Chris Pyne, MP.



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About the Author

Dr Peter West is a well-known social commentator and an expert on men's and boys' issues. He is the author of Fathers, Sons and Lovers: Men Talk about Their Lives from the 1930s to Today (Finch,1996). He works part-time in the Faculty of Education, Australian Catholic University, Sydney.

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