The commodification of intimacy

We live in a time which sociologists describe as characteristic of the post-modern global society, where there is a decline in traditional norms and values that used to guide society and individuals - moving from one which was more collectivist in nature to a focus which is now more individualistic.

For those of us fortunate to live in a country like Australia, we know that we have greater prosperity than in the past and compared to some parts of the globe. We know that our standards of living and health are higher. And like other affluent countries, we also enjoy and demand the right to consume.

Yet, we also know that despite this material wealth, we are more likely to face uncertainties in our careers. We are more likely to move several times for work across towns, regions, the nation or the globe. We are also more likely to be in and out of intimate relationships. It should not be a surprise to find that people are actively seeking different ways to meet, to connect, to date and ultimately to form intimate and other relationships with.

While there are some positives to this social shift, such as more personal forms of freedoms and choices, there are also some negative consequences, particularly in the ways in which we connect intimately and otherwise.

Leading sociologist Zygmunt Bauman for example, laments the type of intimate relationships that now exist. Bauman talks negatively about love in postmodern societies - love has become so fluid that it is “liquid”, devoid of real shape and meaning.

Another prominent sociologist, Anthony Giddens takes a slightly modified view of relationships in the 21st century, by explaining how we now enter relationships no longer out of obligation or duty, but out of a demand for reciprocal partnership as an end in itself. Thus, if relationships do not work out, we simply leave. Both regard the rise of online dating sites as evidence of the commodification and ultimately, the disposability of intimacy.

This commodification of intimacy has been aided by the commercial nature of the online dating and technology industry, which inevitably regards dating as a type of commodity in which individuals can consume each other. The market is therefore a key influence shaping online dating. Unfortunately, this has meant that any liberating or radical changes to conventional forms of dating have been neglected. As a result, the online dating and technology industry has been a major obstacle to truly altering the ways in which people can connect intimately.

For example, most features of online dating sites tend to reinforce existing norms about dating, especially from a gendered or racialised perspective.

Often the act of dating online involves browsing and filtering the visual cues of photos, which tends to prize beauty and attractiveness through a largely exclusive western, Anglocentric lens. You do not have to go far to read from the front pages on, whom or what is rated as an attractive male or female.

Further, on some of the online dating sites, the assumption remains that men do most of the courting or chasing via “kisses” and “smiles”. In a collaborative study on online dating in Australia, a colleague (Dr Jo Barraket) and I found that while the possibilities offered by new technologies should enable individuals to meet others regardless of geography or conventional social criteria - people are still focused on finding people whom they would otherwise meet in a conventional sense.

Despite the opportunity to shop for love then, it appears we are still looking at the same labels or brands, with only a few of us willing to take the risk of trying on a new label.

The online dating industry at the moment reinforces the status quo of how “man meets woman” (or woman meets woman and man meets man). A key example can be found on almost all online dating sites as they focus on conventional forms of beauty, age and attractiveness - some are more explicit such as BeautifulPeople.net, GorgeousNetworks.com and MillionaireMatcher.com. Or sites like WildMatch.com or IwantU.com who draw a fine line between dating, sex and soft pornography. Even those which appeal to singles who want to meet others from different cultures are problematic, as they often stereotype groups of people as the exotic, submissive Other. These include sites such as InterracialSingles.net or InterracialMatch.com, AsianSinglesConnection and CherryBlossoms.