Across the Tasman: swallowing Kiwis

Murdoch’s company has refused to sack the offending journalist, instead opting for “internal” discipline. And we all know why. Mayne’s antics at News Limited AGMs - asking Murdoch curly questions - have probably led to other staff at the corporation wanting to mix alcohol with migraine pills also.

Which brings me to another reason why all those Kiwistanis should favourably consider any Australian merger proposal: I’m sure they’d love having huge chunks of their print media and TV owned by an American citizen. Imagine having virtually each and every newspaper editorial and columnist calling for Helen Clark to send Kiwi troops to Iraq (or whichever hot spot on the other side of the planet the Americans target next for “regime change”).

The LACA Committee wants the Australian Parliament to invite the New Zealand Parliament to establish a committee to work towards harmonisation of our legal systems. It then makes this incisive observation: “The merger of Australia and New Zealand or the progression to a unitary system of government in Australia, however desirable, might not be easy to achieve.”

You don’t say? But the report gets better.

“Australia and New Zealand should also consider introducing a common currency.”

I think this makes perfect cents. Every time I cross the Tasman, the shrapnel situation confuses the hell out of me. Why? Because for some weird reason, our $2 coin is smaller than our $1 coin - but with the Kiwis’ it’s the other way around.

This is almost as stupid as having a $2 coin smaller than 50 cent and 20 cent coins.

Clearly, our countries have so much in common already - sharing a currency is but a small step!

And so, my fellow Australians, I urge you to support in this grand cross-Tasman merger project. Let’s extend the Sydney Harbour Bridge eastward. Let’s build a light rail to Auckland. Let us join with our Kiwistani cousins to create the world’s first South Pacific superpower.

And if the Kiwistanis are reluctant, let’s remind them of the words of their former tribal chief Robert “Piggy” Muldoon who once explained that increasing the number of Kiwi migrants to Australia would only raise the average IQ of both our nations!