Your child next?

Child sexual abuse that doesn’t involve a tragic murder takes lives in another way. A slow, painful way. I know. It happened to me.

I know about the mental illness than can develop, the (sometimes lifelong) depression, the suicide attempts (I had four), the low self-esteem, the shame and confusion, the sleeping with any man who wants you because you think that’s normal, the dysfunctional relationship choices.

There’s a lot we can do to help offenders not offend. In other countries, such as the US, UK and New Zealand, there are community-based treatment programs, 24-hour helplines, adolescent offender programs, and programs which help teachers identify early sexualisation in children which can point to abuse and or inappropriate sexual behaviour in children.

On my website I have a ten-point plan to Stamp Out Child Sexual Abuse (SOCSA). All of them start with education. Until we begin implementing some of these strategies, this scourge on our society will continue.

It’s no coincidence that in the UK where it’s possible for an offender to get help without going to jail, the number of actual offenders who call their 24-hour helpline (as opposed to family members) is 40 per cent. In the US, where therapists and helpline operators must notify police, the number is significantly lower.

I think therapists treating child sex offenders should be exempt from mandatory reporting.

It’s a tough call, but think about it. The offending is happening anyway. Would we prefer the perpetrator continue the abuse in secret without help, or with it with the possibility of stopping?

There is a wide spectrum of abusers. Some justify their behaviour, are in denial about its damage to children and are pure evil. Others despise themselves, are tortured people with horrific childhoods themselves, who want desperately to stop. The man I mentioned above had a suicide attempt even before he was arrested. Three more followed. His own self-loathing would make ours for him pale by comparison. Here is his email to me:

I knew I had a problem with sexual attraction to young girls for about ten years prior to actually offending. For me there were three victims, but to be honest I had thoughts of others.

I did not seek help primarily because I was afraid of being "outed" as a pedophile and thus being subjected to violent community retaliation - a kind of community terrorism - physical or otherwise by vigilantes who would seemingly want to rid society of "scum" like me. Fortunately, to date I have avoided this.

I did not seek help from family for fear of shame and abandonment. Ultimately this is exactly what happened with … my Melbourne-based family.

I did not seek professional help for fear that I would be deemed a helpless case and immediately reported to the authorities. I thought this would result in my arrest and a judgment and that I would be best dealt with by incarceration, or committal to an institution for the criminally insane. I know differently now, although ultimately I was subjected to arrest, charging and sentencing.