Smoko: a possible future for Australia

"Hey Blondie! What d'ya think of John Howard's state funeral yesterday?"

"It was a pity King Willy couldn't make it, Ern. But I guess he had to sort out Prince Harry's latest scandal. Tell yer what, I'm sick of hearing about those bloody royals. Still, the Governor-General delivered a nice eulogy."

"Yair, Ruddock and Howard go way back, when they first cracked down on the reffos. Kind of overshadowed the PM, though, didn't he?"

"I reckon he'll get over it. Abbott has the hide of a rhino. He's been impervious to everything Mark Latham has dished out."

Ever heard of Frank Tudor or Matthew Charlton? Neither had we. Labor leaders after the conscription split of just on a century ago in 1917. Billy Hughes' Nationalists so dominated the next dozen years that they don't even rate a mention in most political histories.

"Tuco, have you fixed that Segway yet? Customer's been waiting for hours."

"He'll just have to wait a bit longer, Ern. You canna' expect me to fix these antique motor scooters without the right parts, do you? Anyway, I reckon Latham will get up at the election."

"Labor in power again? Don't make me laugh. Greg Barns' Centre Party has a more of a show. I might even vote for them."

"Come of the grass, Ern, you're not voting for that mad hatter's tea party? Nothing but a bunch of disillusioned Democrats, Labor tryhards and leftover Liberal wets. What hope could they have?"

"More than Labor, Tuco. And more votes at the last election as well. Just unlucky not to get as many seats. At least they have some policies. They've put on more of a show since the Libs and the Nats merged. With the Labor-Green alliance on the left and the Tories on the right, Barnsy could play them against each other and come up trumps."

Familiar with HV Evatt and Arthur Calwell? Didn't think so. Another pair of unelectables who led Labor through the Menzoic era of the 1950s and 60s. The DLP split did their dash. Now barely rate as a historical footnote.

"Well I'm voting conservative, Ern. Abbott handled the break up of Indonesia pretty well. We got out of that pretty lightly."

"Yeah, but with no thanks to the Yanks, Angel Eyes. Who would of thought they would have become isolationist again under President Condi? And I don't fancy the budget. Treasurer Vaile will surely up the taxes. Got to be costing a fortune, with half the Navy out turning boats back and thirty thousand reffo's in the camps."

"Yair, give me back the good old days when Costello was running the show. What ever happened to him, Ern?"

"I think he woke up to the fact he would never be PM and decided to make some real money in business. He's a media baron now. Picked up the Nine Network after young Packer did his dough."

"I bet that really pissed off Eddie McGuire!"

Remember Kim Beazley and Simon Crean? Seems a while ago now that they led Labor through the Howard years until the train wreck of 2004 decimated their ranks. Wiped out the other challengers, Wayne Swan and Kevin Rudd, as well as destroying the Democrats. Didn't the Greens do well out of that!

"You know what, Ern? Isn't it amazing how the more things change, the more they stay the same?"

"Too right, guys, too bloody right!"