John Howard’s decade of uncool

Alas, what is to be done?

If there is hope, it lies with the youth. We must find ways for young Australians to engage with politics without being co-opted by stuffy institutions and brought down to earth by jaded Machiavellian campaigners. A new language is needed to help youth (among many others) understand and contribute to their own governance and to help them build a future fund of ideas. Perhaps cool impact statements should be introduced to the legislative process? No doubt John Howard and Australia would benefit from having a Standing Parliamentary Committee on Cool.

One of the Committee’s recommendations might be for Australian politics to undergo a hip hop revolution. To this end, the PM would no longer address the chair during question time with faux decorum; instead he would sling his bile directly across the floor at the Opposition, “Your mama is so fat that …”. Peter Costello would be free to deliver the budget swathed in bling and for many he would no longer be referred to as the Deputy Leader of the Liberal Party in Federal Parliament, but rather and more simply, “the bitch”. In schools the national anthem could be played alongside a re-release of Delta Goodrem’s hit, Born to Get Rich and Die.

Until such a time, the Prime Minister is white bread. He placates our grumbling bellies, but is only barely nourishing. John Howard dulls our palates, spirits and minds to a smorgasbord of delectable treats.