Don't use the 'f' (for fail) word

“Hmmm. I suppose you’ve heard the complaints that students made to their government?”

“Yes. Unfortunately, our government has a Free Trade Agreement with Outer Mongolia pending as we speak. Anything like this might tip the balance against it. The Minister for Higher Learning has asked me particularly to avoid any negative publicity this week. So it’s all a bit tricky. Look, just leave it with me, will you? I know these things are difficult, and I do feel for you. It’s a dilemma we all face these days, doing our duty while attending to delicate matters like this. Don’t let it damage your career!”

“Well, I do have an application for promotion in the wind … And that application for conference money.”

“Of course you do. And you don’t want to make waves at this stage of your career, do you? The university really needs those foreign students’ fees. And we don’t want the tabloids getting their grubby hands on it, or God help us, those shocking TV reporters. Next thing you know they’ll have their shoe in my door! Look, just do me this one favour and it will all be sorted out. Help yourself to some of those yak shawls as you go. We seem to have received rather a lot ...

“Thanks, Miss Li. I’m glad that’s over. Open some more of that nice German Moselle, will you? And call our agent in Ulaan Batar and tell him to go ahead with the ads on TV and radio. I think our theme was ‘Come to us for Academic Excellence’.”