The modern art of bullying

The word bullying has always been synonymous with schoolyards. The nature of the school environment leaves little room for individuality, forcing some children to take matters into their own hands. In their effort to establish a pecking order, exert power, or just stand out from the crowd, children face somewhat limited options. They can channel their energy in a positive direction, becoming a model student known for their perfect behaviour and excellent results. They can excel on the sporting field or in the cultural arena. They can gain attention by becoming the class clown. Or they can become the class bully, gaining power by belittling and scaring others into subservience.

Schoolyard bullying is something with which we are all familiar. We all grew up having to deal with incidents of name calling, exclusion, ganging up and rumour spreading. And while it was painful and often made the school day difficult to navigate, we had the comfort of knowing that at 3 o’clock when the final bell rang, we would be free of the bullying - at least until the next day.

Often, once out of the school environment, our friends would rally around us, assuring us they are completely on our side, but were too scared to speak up for fear of being the next target. You would spend time together talking, laughing and playing games until, by nightfall, the bullying had faded into insignificance. In fact, in many cases, by the next school day the bully had moved on to a new target and we could relax.

But that is far from the case for today’s children.

Thanks to digital technology and social media, children no longer have the option of leaving their bullies at the school gate. All afternoon and evening the bully is able to follow them, reminding them of their failings and unacceptable qualities, and reinforcing their sense of alienation and self-loathing.

Not only does the bullying not stop, it intensifies as the bully finds a new audience ready and willing to join the fray. The hundreds of children who see the posts might not know the victim, but that doesn’t stop them from joining in, making hurtful comments and belittling them, reducing their confidence and self-esteem even further. In fact, the anonymity provided by the digital realm emboldens them, giving them the confidence to hit out at the victims in ways that social norms would prevent them from doing face-to-face. The online world assumes the form of the colosseum with the crowds baying for the blood of the gladiator.

Online bullying comes in many forms

• Comments: snide remarks, character assassinations and revelations of wrongdoings
• Images: embarrassing photos or memes
• Emojis: pictorial shorthand that appears innocent, but carries connotations
• Catfishing: false profiles through which the victim is lured into a fake relationship
• Exclusion: creating group chats or sending images of group activities that don’t include the victim
• Silencing: reacting to everyone else’s messages and posts, but leaving the victim on ‘seen’
• Coercive control: forcing students to do things (often breaking the rules) to prove their worthiness
• Stalking: following the victim’s every move online to intimidate them
• Doxing: revealing the victim’s personal information including their address

Far from enjoying an afternoon and evening free from the bullying and a chance to re-set before the next day, they find the bullying now continues relentlessly through the night. The child’s device constantly buzzes with notifications of new messages, new attacks on their character and new evidence of their shortcomings.

Unable to find an ally in this sea of negativity the child feels lost and alone, convinced that the whole world is against them - and might even be better off without them.

Many children find it hard to talk to their parents about the bullying, believing that they wouldn’t understand. Or, worse still, their parents’ solution might be to remove the child from their beloved devices - a fate far worse than bullying. Besides, modern education means they need at least some form of device in order to learn and complete the academic tasks set for them, meaning this solution would simply disadvantage them further, giving the bullies extra ammunition.

The stigma associated with visiting the school counsellor makes that an unappealing solution. And informing the class teacher of any bullying activity would alert the bully to the fact that you ‘snitched’ and lead to extreme retribution for your actions.

Drowning in misery, alienation and anxiety, the child becomes withdrawn from all aspects of life. They begin to avoid extra-curricular activities in an effort to reduce the amount of time spent in the bullying environment. They spend less time on their devices and appear startled every time they receive a message alert. They become quiet and sullen, lose their appetite and find it difficult to sleep.