Tea, Trump, and tyranny: could America rejoin the British Empire?

And let's not forget the Commonwealth Games. "They're losers right now," Trump might say. "We'll make them a winner. I'll call the IOC-huge friends of mine-and get them to merge it with the Olympics. One big game. The best game. With medals made of gold, not whatever they're using now."

Ah, golf-Trump's true love, rivaled only by mirrors and microphones. Imagine the Commonwealth's official sport being replaced with a Trump-designed hybrid: "Trump Golf Royale." The rules? Simple. Holes are gold-plated, caddies wear tuxedos, and every course features a replica of Mar-a-Lago as the clubhouse. "Golf is the best," Trump might proclaim, "and nobody golfs better than me. People say I should've won the Masters-tremendous swings, incredible putts, believe me." He'd likely insist on a "Covfefe Cup" tournament between Britain and America, with King Charles awkwardly holding the trophy aloft after losing to Trump in a sudden-death playoff. And if anyone dares to outscore him? Fake scorecards! "The wind was rigged," Trump would declare, gesturing wildly. "It was blowing against me-unbelievable! Nobody's faced harder conditions." Meanwhile, the Queen Consort might be tasked with ensuring there's always a steady supply of Trump-branded golf balls, each emblazoned with the motto: Make Pars Great Again.

America's new holidays

If this merger happens, American holidays will never be the same. Independence Day becomes "Reunion Day." Thanksgiving shifts from pilgrims to palace-themed potlucks. And imagine Trump personally lighting the Christmas pudding in the Tower of London while claiming he's the first to do it.

The final verdict

Will it happen? Probably not. But in a world where Brexit was a thing, and Trump's presidency was a thing, and Harry and Meghan's Netflix deal was definitely a thing-well, anything's possible.

And if it doesn't work out? No worries. Trump can always pitch a reality show: The Commonwealth Apprentice. Now, there's a special thing worth watching.