The ghosts of dating, past, present and future

Why we worried: “He’s got a pierced tongue, will I get caught in it?”

90s Dater: Kim, 30, Journalist.

I started dating my first boyfriend at 16. We went to the movies, or “for a drive”. I decided to wait and see how serious he was before having sex. He seemed patient, although he did ask the ubiquitous: “are you frigid?”. A year later, I discovered he was screwing around, so I deduced “waiting” was a waste of time.

I had a long relationship straight after that, so my next experience of “dating” was in 1994. A friend set me up with one of her brother's friends. He asked me to pick him up, saying he’d “sort out where to go from there”. I tried to be “all casual” about it, wearing jeans (I'd changed 18 times). He had no plans. I stopped for petrol and he helped himself to a Coke, on me. That did it! But I didn’t know how to dump him. He drove us to this secluded spot and before I knew it, he was naked and pleading: “Kiss me all over”. I was speechless. He goes: “Are you frigid?” Ugh!

The 90s were a free-for-all. It’s good not having pressure to be married but singledom became something of a blood sport. I’d tell my friends I was going on a date and they’d say: “Use a condom” or “Hope he's hung like a bull”. The next day they’d ask: “Was he a good root?” I’d love to turn back the clock - to the days when a guy paid for dinner, walked you to the door, kissed you and promised to call soon.

00s Date

Who will our role models are: Rachel, Monica and Phoebe

What we’ll wear: Whatever’s comfy – after all we’ll probably stay “in”.

Where we’ll go: www.virtualnightclubs.com

When he’ll impress us: By opening our jpg. file then gushing about how gorgeous we are and demonstrating that he knows his way around a “C” drive.

How the date ends: With a bad case of typer’s cramp and him under your spell.

Why we worried: “He talks with a silver tongue, but what if he’s really a perverted, murderous, psycho-geek?”

00s Dater Jeanette, 28 Customer Service.