Spotlighting the reasons for abuse

Could it be that we expect that boys will be brave and strong? Do we expect that boys must not cry, must be tough, must hurry along the road to manhood and be ready to pick up a gun, as they are still expected to do in many countries? Do we think that "a boy must learn to look after himself"? Ask a male "How are you?" And we get stock answers: "I'm good". "Fine thanks". "It's all good". How many boys at whatever time would feel free to say even "I'm not sure" or "I'm worried about…". Surely we need to look hard at how we raise boys and reflect on some hard questions. Should we listen more carefully to a boy who doesn't seem happy? Our research shows that rates of suicide, depression and self-harm among young males are worrying. Especially in Australia and the United Kingdom. Young males are turning to hard drugs, steroids and substance abuse to escape disillusionment and isolation, especially in country areas. Are we really doing enough to protect our boys and young men from people who will take advantage of them? I believe the answer is simple: No.

6. Mothers and fathers. Parents will have to look at what has gone on in the past. They need to have better relationships with their kids. If a kid can't say "Dad, I don't like that guy, he's saying weird stuff", what hope is there for the kid's safety and survival as a happy adult? If a kid can't say " I don't want to go to a weekend in the bush with X" we are in trouble as a society. Fathers are massively important for kids and we must help, reinforce and encourage them. The same goes for mothers.

7. We will have to reflect on what police can do to protect children better. Too often, people entrusted with children have looked on them with nasty intent. And yet kids need thoughtful, caring people around them to protect them. This includes police in the Police and Youth clubs, in every country. And sound men in teaching. That's another problem that won't easily be solved. Caring police and teachers have to be part of the society we want to better protect kids.

8. Clergy should be married. Research for my book Fathers, Sons and Lovers shows that almost every man in an Australian town was expected to grow up, go out with girls, get married and have kids. Those who could not face up to this had few options: maybe go to the city, or enter religious life. So churches often attracted people who are too scared of a relationship. Were these people checked or tested for unusual qualities? And we put these people in positions of trust, with children around them every day. It has to be said: people enjoy sex and intimacy. Why do we expect any human being to survive without the comfort of sex and intimacy? Clergy should be in a relationship. The arguments for it are enormous and they are batted away with all kinds of doctrinal reasons. Clergy should be married for the safety of children. That's my reason. Is there a better one?

9. Better training in all organisations dealing with children. When we educate teachers, we give them strict rules for dealing with children. They must not strike them. They should not touch them unless there are strict protocols for doing so, e.g. if a child is injured. They should interview a child in rooms where they can be seen clearly. Teachers on an excursion need parents of both sexes with them. If we are strict with rules for teachers, Scout leaders and so on, should we not bring in similar rules for clergy? The evidence we have seen so far suggests that the idea that religious orders are 'holy' or 'divinely inspired' and so on is only there to protect the clergy. Not the children.

The Royal Commission into Abuse goes on in Australia. The movie Spotlight will get attention, and more movies will be made about the abuse that has gone on. And as we see time and again - it's an abuse of power. We need organisations that look after individuals - not ensure their own survival. We need leaders who take their lead from those at the bottom, not a cozy cabal of power-seekers and yes-men. Religious organisations should take the opportunity to reflect, reject old certainties and renew. And surely we must ask the young generation to try to do a better job than the sorry stories that have appeared time and again, in one organisation after another. Never mind the excuses. Just look after the kids, please.