A disease of the others

It is a progressive disease, a disease of the other - the other bloke. With cunning, it imperceptibly, seductively, inveigles its way with the silken-strong gossamer threads of a spider's web, without the alcoholic even being aware that the trap is laid. One day, the alcoholic awakes to find there is no more right and wrong, no relationship is more important than the next drink, there is no choice about whether to drink or not. A painless escape from the compulsion to drink is unlikely.

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Alcohol is part of most Australians' way of life and our economy. Even the First Fleet arrived on these shores with more than 1500 litres of rum and more than 1350 litres of brandy stowed among its provisions. Alcohol, imbibed in moderation, has been shown to have some health benefits; and it can give us greater confidence in social settings. Its production and consumption lubricates the wheels of our economy, as does the revenue raised by the taxes levied on its sale. But it also has hefty costs: health issues, including increased incidences of cancers and lower life expectancy; drink driving causing traffic accidents; increased violence and other crimes; divorce; job loss; loss of productivity; financial problems; policing and court costs - I could go on.

Each year more than 3000 people die from excessive alcohol use; more than 100 000 problem drinkers are admitted to our hospitals. Apart from tobacco, alcohol is the most preventable cause of hospitalisation and drug-related death.

Scientific reports and studies variously cite - depending on what consequences the researchers include - a financial cost to our society of between $15 billion and $36 billion, each year. There is a great deal of argy-bargy conducted among these researchers about the exact costs. Some are tangible, they can be quantified; other costs are intangible. How can you calculate how much a life-lived-well costs? What is the dollar value of death?

Despite all the cold detached calculations and ethical debates, I am not sure the dollar value is that helpful to anyone other than a Canberra 'suit' working in the Treasury. How can you place a dollar cost on pain and suffering, mental distress, and loss of quality of life caused by someone else's drinking? What about quantifying feelings such as safety and security?

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In trying to establish these elusive costs, I talked to someone who is a partner of an alcoholic. Victoria is a mature, intelligent, highly skilled professional. Her partner of 26 years is in the final stages of alcohol disease. He drinks four litres of wine each day, which she purchases. It is easier than trying to fight him about it, or for him to buy his own. He no longer works and doesn't drive. I ask what induces her to stay with a man who verbally, and sometimes physically, abuses her? Is it pity? Love? Guilt? 'I am pragmatic,' she says. 'As the sole breadwinner, I pay the mortgage and support us both.' If she leaves, she will have to buy him out, which she can't afford. As I talk to Victoria on the phone, I hear a deep voice mumbling in the background. Victoria tells him that she is on a call and will be with him in a minute. More mumbling, then suddenly, urgently, 'I have to go …'

It is another week before I find out what happened. Apparently, he overheard the conversation, became aggressive and wouldn't give her any privacy. It's a common occurrence. 'I would love to have a social life, but I can't have people here. If I go out, I can't take him with me. His behaviour is embarrassing.' She describes her existence as being one of utter isolation; she honestly hopes that he will drink himself into oblivion as soon as possible. 'And when that happens you will hear me singing "I'm free" [by The Who] in top voice. And I don't care what people think.' Victoria admits she is codependent - she is as reliant on him for a roof over her head, as he is on her for his booze. She can't see any easy resolution.

Watching someone slowly kill themselves is painful. Victoria has been though the mill of emotions, from anger to pain, denial to worry. She, like many other codependent partners, has made excuses, covered up, been lied to and lied for her partner. Don't judge her. Until you have been where she is, how would you know what you would do, or how you would react?

I wonder what the conservative estimate of $15 billion in social costs means to Victoria.

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