Insidious discrimination

These gripes are all a trifle insignificant, because simultaneously, there are kids starving in Africa.

It seems the gay community is fighting two distinct battles. Perhaps most importantly, to secure all the legal rights that heterosexual and married couples experience: from adoption rights to inheritance rights. When such clear injustices are perpetuated in black letter law, it's easy for most lefty inclined individuals to get behind this battle.

But the second front is being waged in the shadowy terrain of social etiquette and slippery language. In this exchange, banal and easy to dismiss comments are the ammunition: friendly fire bounces around the workplace or among acquaintances.

It is this struggle that well intentioned people – who would be horrified to be seen as anti-gay – slip up at most routinely.

Homophobia needs to be radically reconceptualised. Gay people may no longer get spat at, but they are being stung by stray throwaway comments. These words, that are sculpted and sharpened by carelessness, form the newfangled bullets of homophobia.

As we, in an unusual turn, look across the ditch towards New Zealand with a touch of envy and admiration about their courageous legislation, we must continue to attack homophobia in all of its forms.

Marriage equality won't be a silver bullet, but it's an important step.