Why I won't be taking up the Man Prayer or supporting 1 Billion Rising this Valentine's Day

Yes, some of the positive messages from the video are great - men should be able to express themselves free from the constraints of masculinity (as should women, free from the constraints of femininity). But let's send these messages without the negative stereotypes please.

Much of my other work for the past 10 years has been working to change the social, legal and cultural structures that constrain men. The difference between the "man prayer" and the work of my colleagues and I is that we don't blame and shame individual men or masculinity (or individual women or femininity) for the way they are shaped by social norms and structures. We work to change those structures - whether it is the lack of family-friendly workplace provisions and cultures for fathers who want to play a bigger part in their children's lives, the lack of services for men and their children who want to escape abusive relationships, the lack of male-friendly health services, or the education system that is anything but boy-friendly.

Men are giving, we are both vulnerable and strong, we do listen as well as knowing, we are kind, we like to be in control of our lives, we cry, we do refuse violence, we touch as well as performing, we cherish our experiences as well as getting there, we take our time but we move fast when it is necessary, we share our fears and our shame with those close to us, we cherish, respect and love both our parents (not just our mothers), and we love women, children, and all living things - including (gasp!) men - just as women do. And sometimes we fuck up - just like women do. We are as deeply and richly human as women are.

If we want men and boys to be the best they can be, we don't need "man prayers," we need services and practical support for males on the ground where it matters.