Chrissie Swan: public intervention

In my experience, shaming, judging and lecturing addicts doesn't help them beat their addictions. In fact, it may contribute to the spirals of shame and self-doubt that fuel their reliance on the drug. If you've never smoked, or been an addict, it's hard to understand. But I see Chrissie as someone who is turning to something she knows and responds to in a time of stress and pressure. This is hardly breaking news.

The difference is that she's pregnant and pregnant women's bodies don't belong to them. People will freely tell you this, without realising the terrible impact it has on women and expecting mothers. They'll tell you "her body belongs to the baby now" but what they really mean is "her body belongs to everyone with an opinion (whether they have a clue or not), women and men who know better, and society".

The waiter and chef in that restaurant felt completely entitled to casually assume control over my friend's body and the cultural weight behind this act of rudeness is clear. In the past thirty years, the medical community has come to agree that the way we used to 'do' pregnancy is not okay, and I agree that having more information on risks and dangers allow mothers to make better choices for them and their baby.

But to put things in perspective, many of us over the age of thirty were born after nine months of 70s women making absolutely zero changes to their diet, alcohol and cigarette consumption.

In my case, I'm fairly sure my parents put away a pack a day and sampled many a tinnie and cask in the months between October 1976 and June 1977. I'm not saying you should do that now but if you did, a) everything might still be okay and b) I wouldn't hang you out to dry for it, having a sense of proportion about a period not so long ago when it was the norm.

I would also not observe your actions during a particular moment of your long pregnancy and think that it reflected your parenting ethos. I would not decide that your choice on that day was so terrifically irresponsible that I could extrapolate out from that and cast aspersions on your character and your fitness as a mother. And frankly, I would mind my own business.

Because make no mistake, none of this apoplectic rage and judgment is about the welfare of children or a belief in the constant stream of warnings from the medical community about which foods and behaviours might affect pregnancy and birth. It's about finding new and more justifiable ways of controlling women.

Sanctimony may feel good but it says a lot more about the person doing the judging than whoever is being judged.