Obama and the new manhood

Driven by the triumph of market economics and its mantra of growth, women were encouraged to study, earn a second income (which morphed into a form of individual economic power they had not enjoyed before) and negotiate a new sharing arrangement within the family.

Women's liberation articulated for many what they knew was wrong with the status quo. Their share of child care and housework is still larger than men's, but much of the child care has been outsourced and much of the housework redefined as unnecessary. Their male partners now do, on average, spend more time with their children (with very positive effects) and contribute more to household tasks such as cooking and cleaning.

The traditional image of a working man expecting his dinner on the table, then a pair of slippers and pipe while she does the dishes is totally outmoded.

Because of prolonged education and (most significantly) because of the contraceptive pill – the most central factor of all in the shift from male dominance – marriage and having a family have taken on new meaning. Sex outside marriage is no longer stigmatized as it once was, women can choose not to marry and certainly choose to delay child-bearing until they have established a 'career' and experienced life as an independent adult.

So men who want to marry and have children have to negotiate in ways unknown in former times.

Children are a deliberate choice, fewer in number and more precious to both father and mother.

Women demand a new style of intimacy, one based on more open communication, on mutual self-disclosure and shared decision-making; they won't accept the silent assertion of dominance and assumed superiority. They expect more, many men are struggling to oblige and more of them succeed. Their best mate becomes a sharing partner, most often a woman, not one of the blokes at the pub.

The struggle remains because our traditional institutions of patriarchal churches, segregated schools, macho sports, a male-organised workplace culture and media outlets that fail to read social change continue to instill in boys a belief in their inherent superiority and right to be in charge.

The media inevitably reflect and extend the decline of patriarchy, in their search for an audience, as TV programs change from 'Father knows best' to 'The Modern family' and the dysfunctionality of the old sexism is exposed in such programs as 'Mad Men', 'The Sopranos' and 'Breaking Bad'. And new technology - the Internet, Facebook, Twitter etc - expose men as never before to ideas outside their own male network.

The fact that women can be and are leaders – our Prime Minister, CEOs of major banks, school principals, the Governor-General and others – is important, but in my view the most potent force for change comes from within the modern family and its pragmatic renegotiation of traditional roles. The macho male has to face there the reality that his wife has skills, can earn a living, child care and housework have to be managed in a different way and he can't get away with being a selfish, domineering slob.

And surprise, surprise, the men who accept this new sharing partnership model for living find it more satisfying than the old way. They no longer have to be perfect and in control of everything, they no longer have to prove their 'masculinity' in ways they were uncomfortable with in any case, their sex lives are more fulfilling because it is based on a shared understanding of needs, their wives are more 'interesting' and of more assistance in sorting out everyday problems. All hail to the new masculinity.