MODERATOR: OK. I will now turn to you, Jesus, for your viewpoint. So many words have been put in your mouth by so many people. When we look at the vast multi-billion dollar global Jesus industry we can see so many vested financial and power-based interests that we can be forgiven for wondering what your real point-of-view is. The big problem has always been that you, Jesus, left no account of your life or your teachings in your own hand. Your sayings, which you spoke in Aramaic, had to wait for many years to be written down in Greek and Latin. What we have to go on was recorded by your disciples and your disciples' disciples so we can only make educated guesses about the accuracy of your sayings after their subsequent translation and editing. Do you see our problem?
JESUS: Yes, of course, I do.
MODERATOR: OK. Now let us proceed to the issue of child abuse and the Melbourne Response. I will now put the question to Jesus. Do you endorse the Archbishop's approach to child abuse of an independent investigation, counseling plus confidential compensation?
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JESUS: No, I have never said that I would endorse such an approach
MODERATOR: Well, can you tell us what you have said?
JESUS: This is a subject on which I really have had a lot to say. You will not have to stretch a point to understand my views about the value of children. I have given very clear instructions to my followers. The Archbishop and his predecessors have squandered my reputation and that of the church by their procrastinations, dissembling and shortcomings on this real issue which is so close to my heart.
MODERATOR: You seem very passionate about child abuse.
JESUS: Well aren't we all? Sadly, my bishops have chosen to ignore the authority I have expressly given them about children and their abusers.
MODERATOR: What have you said about this issue?
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JESUS: One day I was teaching my apostles. These were the first bishops–my own bishops whom I personally appointed. They were curious about rank and precedence in Heaven. Naturally, they wanted to know whom I thought would secure the most favourable positions in Heaven and I suppose they may even have been thinking of themselves. They kept asking me about who would be the VIPs? Who'd get to be in the inner sanctum? Who would be given the best positions? Who would sit closest to the Father Himself? They were all ears and I had their full attention. I saw this as a good opportunity to assert my authority. So, I didn't avoid the subject but I embraced it and in no uncertain terms. I spoke to my bishops ex cathedra giving them one of my core teachings. Later these teachings were recounted first by Matthew and then corroborated by Mark and Luke. I saw a little kid watching me so I called him over and sat the kid in the middle of them all and then I taught them the following important lesson and I quote: Listen! I'm telling you disciples the truth now. Unless you change and become like little kids, YOU won't ever be getting into the kingdom of Heaven. Therefore, whoever makes himself as little as this little kid, he's the one who is greatest in the kingdom of Heaven. And anyone who welcomes one little kid like this one, in my name, also welcomes me.
MODERATOR: What did you say about the abuse of children? And, in particular, what did you say about the abuse of children that follow your group?
JESUS: Well, here I became most passionate and I tried to deliver my teaching by using the strongest possible language in this teaching. I said to them, quote: But if anyone is the downfall of one of these little kids who believes in me, it were better for him that he drowned in the deep of the sea with a great millstone tied round his neck.
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