Little Jack Horner, stuck in the corner

"I am a turd for acting turdily, as I must not do. And I'll always be this way, and I'll never succeed" (Albert Ellis).

Think this way, and you are likely to risk self-loathing when you don't do as you believe you should do.

Ellis used earthy language to demonstrate unconditional self-acceptance (USA). For example, I can hear him say, "If they don't like how I express myself, too damn bad! I accept myself anyway". His point: "I may desire your approval but I don't need it to be worthwhile."

Ellis ably separated performance from worth. You may have acted turdily in a particular instance. You can pay a price in the form of lost advantages or social penalties. But, is this the totality of you?

How do you determine the global worth of a person?

Ellis' position is that we are worthwhile because we exist and how well or badly we do or how others view us cannot change that.

Ellis would use his use of the vernacular to demonstrate his ABC approach. He would point out that his swearing (Activating event) doesn't cause distress but rather it us what the listener Believes about the words which bring about an emotional-behavioral Consequence.

Teaching Children Self-Acceptance Skills

Children are better prepared to deal with adversity, failure, and rejection by knowing their worth is not tethered to how others view them or how well or badly they do. However, if someone else acts poorly, the concept of acceptance still applies.

Ellis describes this as unconditional other-acceptance (UOA). This is how the philosophy works: Jack Horner may believe that a teacher "…made me angry and that's why I left the classroom and that she is bad!" But on reflection he may conclude that whilst the teacher acted badly she is not essentially a bad person:

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner resting reflectively. "Is my teacher a turd?" "No that's absurd! She just acted turdily!" (You can substitute other words for turd).

A teacher (or parent, or neighbor, or friend) isn't bad though she or he may have behaved badly.