Please move sir, lest you molest

The case of the man asked by Virgin Airlines to move away from an unaccompanied child has been publicized right around Australia and in the US-based Huffington Post. Obviously, it's highlighted a broad-based concern.

On a flight from Brisbane, John McGirr, a fireman, was asked to move by a Virgin Airlines steward. McGirr expressed concern about the unspoken accusation that seems to prompt the practice.

McGirr was sitting next to two boys aged around eight and ten when a flight attendant approached him and told him it was policy not to allow men to sit by unaccompanied children. According to the Brisbane Times, he "said the attendant then asked a fellow female passenger, 'Can you please sit in this seat because he is not allowed to sit next to minors.' "

Mr McGirr said when he asked why, he was told, "Well you can't sit next to two unaccompanied minors."

" And I said, 'Well, that's pretty sexist and discriminatory. You can't just say because I'm a man I can't sit there,' and she just apologised and said that was the policy."

"After that I got really embarrassed because she didn't even explain," McGirr said, cited in Fairfax Media. "I just got up and shook my head a little, trying to get some dignity out of the situation."

Apparently, it's not just Virgin Airlines. Many airlines seem to have a policy of not allowing males to sit next to unaccompanied children. There has been very vigorous discussion of the issue in numerous Australian newspapers. There's been some support for the policy. But most people seem to think that the airline is acting with unnecessary suspicion.

Some years ago, a businessman sued British Airways after being asked to move away from a child who was sitting next to him and his pregnant wife. The man refused, saying he wanted to sit next to his wife. The steward raised his voice, causing several passengers to turn around in alarm. The passenger finally agreed to move, under protest.

The passenger, Mr Mirko Fischer, said that the policy of branding all men as perverts was s absolutely outrageous. He complained that the airline had publicly shamed him.

"I was made to feel like a criminal in front of other passengers", Mr Fischer said. "It was totally humiliating. "

Jeff Corbett of the Newcastle Herald says that after this, children were seated by BA in a separate section of the plane.

A former federal sex discrimination commissioner told the Sydney Morning Herald "A policy formed on the basis of stereotypes about men was likely to be in breach of discrimination legislation" (as reported in The Huffington Post).

I wrote to Virgin on their website asking if the policy was still enforced. I also asked if they would request Richard Branson (Virgin's founder) to move away from an unaccompanied child.

In response, I got this polite reply from Corporate Communications:

Virgin Australia has a long standing policy regarding unaccompanied minors that was based on customer feedback and is common to many airlines. It mandates that if there are unaccompanied minors on a flight, they are seated together in close proximity to Cabin Crew work areas. It is also policy to leave a vacant seat next to unaccompanied minors. On occasions when due to flight passenger loads this is not possible, Virgin Australia seeks to seat a female passenger in the vacant seat. In most instances unaccompanied children are allocated seats prior to boarding and there are no issues. It is certainly not our intention to offend in any way.

In light of recent feedback, we are now conducting a formal review of the policy. As part of the review, we are engaging a range of different stakeholders and we will be researching guest feedback. [end of quote]

To be fair, I doubt that there is any deliberate discrimination against men on the part of Virgin Airlines. It seems more likely that they are reflecting prevalent attitudes and noisy stakeholders in the community. The issues around child protection can be extremely complex.

Yet the present policy is something many men- and women too- will want to challenge. Why should men, just because they are men, be regarded as potential abusers of children? No wonder we are having difficulty attracting men into teaching, when such stereotypes abound. Yet many parents want their kids- especially their son- taught by a male teacher.

It seems ludicrous to imagine that some guy would say to himself, "I want to abuse a child, so I'll book a ticket to London". I don't think that's very likely! It's nonsense to think children can be in great danger on a crowded plane, with people everywhere and stewards or stewardesses present. Correspondents to the Sydney Morning Herald have asked : who is safe? Would you let your child sit next to a priest? A teacher? A fireman? And so on. Do we as men need to get "Working with Children" clearance to walk around in public? Should we be afraid to respond if a child we don't know asks for help?

The issue usefully highlights some dilemmas we have about men. We want men to be full members of the human race as fathers, sons, lovers, grand-parents. Yet we suspect men of being evil. We do also expect men to be soldiers and police – in which roles they must be tough and powerful. We need men to be tough and independent- yet caring and nurturing. Men die every day as soldiers. Just this week we've read about men working as miners in South Africa under appalling conditions. Some protested, and were shot dead by South African police.

No wonder some men are cracking under the strain. We hear of high rates of suicide among men. And some suicides are hidden as "accidents". It's said that Australia has the third-highest rate of male teenage suicide in the world.

Of course parents care about kids and grandkids. It's their job to make sure kids are well looked after. But parents, if you think your kids are in danger, don't put them on a plane by themselves.

Suspecting all men as perverts is an idea we should all challenge. What can you do about this? I suggest men- and women who care about the men in their lives- act as follows.

1. Ask your airline if they have this policy of moving men away from unaccompanied children. If so, say "Thanks, I'll book with someone else". There must be a lot of men out there booking air tickets.

2 . Write letters to your local paper protesting against the idea that we have to suspect all men as potential perverts.

Above all, let's be positive about ourselves as men. And work constructively with parents to create a world in which kids are safe, and men help to protect and nurture them.