Has Australia made the “nice” list this year? Santa responds.

Dear Australia,

Thank you for your letter. It's always nice to hear from you.

The weather at the North Pole is cold and Santa is getting chilly. I'm sure that the weather is warmer where you are, although (I hasten to add, given all those letters from the Abbott boy) not-statistically-warmer than usual.

I know you've tried to be good this year. You tell me so each year, sometimes adding an "oi oi oi" for good measure, which is quite endearing.

And Santa thinks that you are good. Indeed, at times you have been a model child – engaged, compassionate, courageous and willing to work for others.

This was an important part of your growing up, which you are still doing.

You've always been a good kid around the home – rarely giving Mum or Dad much to worry about. But as we grow up it is how we share with others that truly counts.

For a long time you have been a leader in this. You were keen to share, and very keen to have a good reputation with your classmates.

I think you knew that you were one of the younger kids in the class, and so earning the respect of the bigger kids meant a lot. You did your best to fit in, and if word of an embarrassing incident at home got out, you were mortified.

Lately something's shifted. You seem less keen to share, and you're quite happy to let it be known. I mean, telling those Indonesian and Malaysian girls that you have a problem with unwanted guests? This sort of thing makes you look a bit silly; and while it is not quite naughty, it is certainly not nice.

I don't quite know when this began.

It reminds me of that time when those kids from over the road were struggling in your pool, and you did nothing. Even when that Norwegian boy told you that the kids were sick, you still did nothing.