'The Maxwell Diaries'

Monday, September 12

Stuck in traffic. My next-door neighbour said that if I cut down Elizabeth Street I would save time and avoid the crush. She must really hate me. Resolve never to speak to her again.

Tuesday, September 13

Rough night. Damned pillow won’t sit flat. Try to punch it into submission but eventually fall asleep trying. Will ring and abuse manufacturer in the morning.

Wednesday, September 14

Collected mail from mailbox. Postman has creased my copy of Who magazine and Brad Pitt is now looking his age. Disillusioned and angry, I get in the car and try and find that damn post guy. This had to be deliberate. No luck. Will stakeout the front yard for tomorrow’s delivery.

Thursday, September 15

Told the police sergeant that the AVO request was an overreaction. He seemed unsympathetic to my situation even when shown the damaged magazine. Slug of a man wants me to pay for a new post bike. This would never happen in a fair society.

Friday, September 16

Bank queue longer than usual. Finally get to the front and the asshole puts up a “use next teller” sign. The only other teller has some old duck counting out her deposit in five cent pieces. The tellers are enjoying this. Once again forced into passive submission with a deliberate go-slow. Bugger it, I will use the ATM. Another black mark for the unions.

Saturday, September 17

Woman in the supermarket cut in front of me at the checkout. Asked to see the manager but he refused to intervene. Smug cow claimed she didn’t see me. Never going back to that store when basic human rights are so blatantly abused. Before leaving store I put all my frozen goods back in the cereal section. That will teach them.

Sunday, September 18

Hang out the washing. Later when I bring it in I notice one of the shirts has a new stain. There’s no way that was there before. Someone has been maliciously targeting my clothes. Shoo the birds away from the backyard and plan to set up a surveillance camera. Whoever this bastard is, I’m going to catch him.

Monday, September 19

Period pain knocked me about this morning. Some jerk at the office made some crack about PMT and I slapped him. What rubbish. Men really haven’t got a clue.

Tuesday, September 20

Out to dinner with work colleagues and the bastards try to stiff me. There is no way that I should have to pay equal share of the bill when I didn’t have dessert or coffee. Forced into submission by gladiatorial stares of disapproval from the group. Roger is such a two-faced bastard as he made it seem that the company was going to pick up the tab.

Wednesday, September 21

Pizza delivery guy tried to screw me out of my change when he delivered the order. I had already made serious concessions about the lack of green capsicum and the fact I had to pick off the anchovies, so was in no mood for the “I don’t have change for a 20” crap. Fifty cents has and always will be fifty cents. Go earn it slackarse.

Thursday, September 22

Put my bottle of Italian mineral water in the fridge when I arrived at work but by lunchtime it was gone. Feel certain it was Maria in accounts but there is no way to prove it. She is the only one on the seventh floor with an Italian name so detection was really a no-brainer. Must work out a way of getting back at her as that elitist cow has got to pay.

Friday, September 23

Really need to get out of this rat race. My goldfish are looking neglected and I want to start spending more quality time with them. No elitism here just me, my goldfish and just in case things get really bad, the scoop.