Do it my way or else

Commonly, the verb to bully is defined as to persecute, oppress and tease, but in some dictionaries a more helpful extension is "frighten into or out of." Let me explain.

You are by yourself on a railway station at night and a large man, obviously having had too much to drink, is trying to raise funds for the trip home by approaching people and speaking loudly and swearing profusely.

Some males tell him in the same language where to go, but an older small single woman feels threatened and yields to his persistent demands, giving him a few dollars. Was she frightened into this action? Maybe, but what if she felt sorry for this man and wanted to give him a few dollars. Was she bullied?

Bullying is one of the most difficult phenomenon to define. What might be identified as bullying behaviour by one person may not be for someone else.

Some people are easily frightened by words, actions and beliefs that they find threatening while others are simply unmoved. Personal fortitude and resilience play their parts, but the persistence of bullying behaviours over time seems one feature of an adequate definition.

Similarly, what is bullying in one context may not be bullying behaviour in another. The vitriolic words of a politician in parliament, even over a long period, is unlikely to move other politicians, but the same tone at a series of local community meetings might be threatening to the audience and frighten them into a decision they might not otherwise have made.

I like the definition that includes "frightened into or out of" because it focuses on change within the person experiencing bullying behaviour. When a person says, does or believes something out of fear of what others might think, do or believe, then they have been bullied, that is, frightened into it.

This definition is not meant to demean the resilience of some who stand firm and do not yield to bullying behaviours, but without a change in thinking, action or belief, it is had to measure the extent to which they have been bullied.

Don't Rely on the Law:

Trying to label as bullying the behaviours that lead to an unwanted change is problematic. The law is of little help, because it cannot deal with every context and individual difference.

Throughout life, we all face bullying behaviours in relationships within the family, at work, at school, in groups, in social contexts, in the community and increasingly for some in electronic communication. Often, how we react to these perceived threats determines whether we have been bullied. Already in law there are prohibitions with penalties that provide some protection from vilification and defamation.

There are restraining orders, including AVOs (Apprehended Violence Orders) for protection against threats of physical and emotional abuse. But how do you stop bullying behaviours? When according to the law do bullying behaviours constitute the offence of bullying?

If the law is not adequate in dealing with the breadth of this phenomenon then we must seek answers elsewhere. The two key questions are:

1. What causes bullying behaviours?

2. How can these behaviours be modified?

Self-Esteem and Powerlessness:

When people don't feel good about themselves they can react in many different ways, including bullying behaviours. If you feel powerless you need to exert power over others to feel good about yourself. You build up your own self-image by having others conform to your norms and look out anyone who rebels.

Often the authoritarian father, boss or community leader who cannot handle opposition is looking to justify themselves by the power they exert over others. Bullying is a way of getting and holding onto power and, as we have seen recently, many national leaders practice it and usually to the detriment of their country.

From feelings of disempowerment or being wronged by another can also come revenge, in which bullying takes a key role.

"My mother wouldn't let me have a chocolate bar at the supermarket so I screamed and cried until she gave it to me."

"The bitch took my boyfriend and now she is going to suffer."

"My community doesn't give stuff about me – no work, no training and no welfare payments - so I'll just take what I should."

"I'm not going to speak to my mother again or let her contact her grandchildren until she apologises."

Bullying behaviours often attract other people with similar dispositions. This combination can create gangs seeking a sense of empowerment in their community. How can bullying behaviours be modified, as members of families, education institutions, work and community groups?

Workable Rules:

The law, and particularly rules, have a place in most social situations. Families, schools, work places, social groups all have their rules to provide standards of behaviour. These are very important. They give direction to appropriate behaviour and help members to know what is acceptable and unacceptable.

They help to develop community amongst members and to curb excesses. To last they need to be enforced, not by regimented practice and adherence, but by regular articulation and by addressing breaches before they become the norm.

Procedures for dealing with breaches need to be well known and workable, with a focus on correcting behaviour, not punishment and exclusion, which is the final weapon.

If people know the rules then they are more likely to adhere to them. For example, as we talk more and give examples about what constitutes cyber bullying, people are more likely to be careful about what they say and how they say it in communications.

Social Capital:

People who feel powerless, disenfranchised and rejected are more likely to resort to bullying to be heard or to have their needs met.

Governments and communities need to work hard to provide education, jobs and training, resources to support families with children, care for the elderly. We must be able to identify individuals and groups that slip through the social net and to activate plans to keep them engaged with the community.

Disengagement is a key source of trouble for any community, as witnessed recently in parts of Britain. When people are engaged and feel good about themselves, they are more likely to feel satisfied with their lives and less likely to be involved in bullying behaviours.

Education and Values:

Values are taught in the home and modified by society. Some children learn very negative values at home and it is the role of schools and other social institutions to shape these values into community norms.

Consensus around values is not difficult to achieve, as found with Australian schools recently when there was a renewed focus on values.

Respect, care, responsibility, honesty, cooperation, even democracy all have widely accepted community definitions. The catch is what these values look like in any given context and a key to that understanding is to explore and expose the values that underline decision-making, actions and statements.

This exploration describes values in a variety of contexts and students begin to understand their content. A more explicit approach to values education in all subjects would assist students to understand the values that underpin Australian society and shape their lives for living in their communities.

Secular and Religious Perspectives:

Any discussion about bullying behaviours and involving values and ethics, needs to include a discussion about religion and other belief systems.

Growing secularism in Australian society should not lose sight of the fact that religion remains the choice of most of the word's population, including many Australians.

Only in some western countries is secularism becoming a majority view, sometimes challenging traditional values. To understand the world we live in, an understanding of religious beliefs across the globe is important if we are to make sense of this world and stay connected to our communities.

The connection, both positive and negative, between religion, values and behaviours is an important one and should not to be underestimated. Individuals need to adopt a meaningful explanation about what life is about if they are to be connected to the world around them.

In Australia, recognition needs to be given to the Christian heritage and values that have underpinned our development. The addition of people from other faiths is also shaping our values and currently the push for more secular ethics will do the same.

To address bullying, further exploration of our values and their origins will be increasingly important to establish confident individuals, with a self-esteem that will not resort to bullying to feel good about themselves or to get what they want from others.

When a person is frightened by persistent bullying behaviours aimed at exerting power and, as a consequence, change their decisions, behaviours or beliefs, then they have been bullied.

How to deal with the bullying behaviours is an ongoing problem. Talking more about bullying is a good way to expose behaviours that are unacceptable, to reinforce good behaviours and to open dialogue with the community about what individuals, governments and communities need to do to minimise bullying. Let the discussion roll on.