On disability and hairy-nosed wombats

In a rare joint press conference with Julia's nemesis, Tony, called to correct misinterpretations raised by both Julia's and Tony's policies on getting people off government welfare, into work, all was revealed.

A transcript follows. It went reasonably well to start off with when Julia took the lead:

"Look", she said in reassuring tones, "We are committed to rebuilding Queensland and around the nation, costing tax payers $5.6Billion. All that while tax receipts are down, arising from recent natural disasters with the terrible situation in Japan also hurting our economy. I understand it's tough for people with disabilities but it's tough for the economic environment too! Some portray that as moving unproductive economic burdens – and let me remind you there are some two million of those - off our balance sheets to concentrate on the basics, like the economy.

But of course that's not our message. We will put innovative policy in place to move those who can work, into work. Look, it's all about opportunity and participation – and the economy."

Tony agreed, with one qualification: "I agree with Julia about one thing and that's the economy. Of course we all love disabled people but when things get tough, as Julia described, it's all about who is productive, economically. And who is not. The Liberal Party has always been about opportunity so we're pleased to be at one with the ALP on this central plank."

"Where we don't agree is that climate change necessarily has anything to do with it..."

Julia: "Tony, I did not mention climate change…"

Tony: "You said natural disasters. Same thing. As everyone knows I only believe in climate change on Monday, Wednesday and Sunday, alternating bi-weekly. Today is Wednesday. I know what 'natural' means."

Julia: "Oh, Tony..."

Tony: "No, seriously, what are we going to do on the other days when climate change effects really start knocking us around? Which Australians will be left to put their shoulder to the economic wheel, when the wheel also has to support a sizeable section of malingerers… Besides there will be only a very small wheel left, when, on those days, stronger cyclones, floods, droughts and what else cripples our agriculture, exports, and slows consumption right down to a trickle."

Julia:"Well, as you know I have always believed in climate change Tony - I believe it's true eight days a week. Look, we are both evidence-based on this. Let me explain. You would have seen the recent research report on the near-extinct hairy-nosed wombat...".

Tony: "Of course, good report."